FADE IN

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET DAWN

ANGLE ON sign Welcome to DAIRYAIRE, CONNECTICUT

Population 25,000

MOVING down tree-lined street in the half light. A JOGGER crosses a distant intersection.

FAVORING a stone, Colonial-style house with a swimming pool.

INT. RUTLEDGE HOUSE DAWN

DOLLY through sleeping house. On a bookshelf, WEDDING PICTURES of the radiant couple, BILL and LOUISE RUTLEDGE. In the KITCHEN is a television with VCR -- nearby a video cassette -

CLOSE SHOT of cassette cover - “QUICHE by BLANCHE GANTRY” BLANCHE GANTRY, international cooking guru, holds up a perfect quiche. A post-it stuck in the corner has a scrawled list “radichio, gorgonzola, peapods, crab legs”.

MOVING up the stairs - the two children TIMMY, 9, and SALLY, 7, sleep in their toy-filled rooms.

In the MASTER BEDROOM - CLOSE SHOT of alarm clock - 5:30 a.m. ALARM SOUNDS. LOUISE RUTLEDGE, 38ish, sits bolt upright. She turns off the alarm and shakes BILL RUTLEDGE, also 38ish. He moans and rolls over. LOUISE marches to the childrens’ rooms and gets them up. She returns to BILL. He pulls her back into the bed. She pulls him into the shower. He kisses her through the glass walls of the shower and mouths “I love you”.

MONTAGE TO MUSIC of the “perfect” family getting up. They exercise, get dressed, have healthy breakfast, hurry out of the house, drive to school, THE BOXWOOD ACADEMY, where the children get out in a flurry of hugs and kisses and fond goodbyes, then rush to the suburban train station.

INT. COMMUTER TRAIN DAY

LOUISE types furiously into her laptop. BILL reads the paper.

MONTAGE TO MUSIC of TRAINS from all directions speeding to New York City.

TRAIN DOORS bursting open releasing FLOODS OF COMMUTERS.

CROWD surging up the stairs into GRAND CENTRAL STATION.

INT. GRAND CENTRAL STATION BY THE GOLDEN CLOCK DAY

BILL and LOUISE pause under the clock and hold hands. The clock reads 7:51.

bill

Have a great day Pussy. I love you.

louise

I love you too, Puppy. What a great weekend.

bill

It was great. Look! This is our magic clock. Remember? Where we first met. You streetwalker you.

louise

Listen Mr. Pouncy Puppy, we can’t stand here kissing under our magic clock all day. You are going to be late and you know how Mary Serallio is. I’ll be home early. Mrs. Mangiano will pick up the kids. Stay late at work if you can stand it. You know how they love it. Just like I love you, Puppy Whuppy.

bill

OK Mrs. Bossy Pussy but Puppy wants one more kiss.

They hug affectionately and look up at the ceiling.

FEATURING ceiling of Grand Central Station. The stars in the ceiling suddenly twinkle with an extra force, a hint of a supernatural presence.

INT. GRAND CENTRAL WAITING ROOM DAY

ANGLE ON BILL who is walking from the bakery to the gift shop. He stuffs a cream puff into his mouth then pauses. He takes in the grandeur of the room for a moment.

POV BILL as he looks from the big chandeliers in the Waiting Room to the postcard rack. He picks up a postcard of an old daguerreotype of “Commodore” Cornelius Vanderbilt and examines it, turning it over, reading the legend. His gaze wanders to the book rack, where among other things is “THE MOLE PEOPLE; NEW YORK CITY’S UNDERGROUND HOMELESS POPULATION”. He goes over and picks it up but stops when he hears, near him, a VERY GRAND TOUR GUIDE (played by the actress who will later play ATHENA) who is sweeping by with a GROUP OF TOURISTS.

OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE.

The VERY GRAND TOUR GUIDE sweeps her group along gesturing to the chandeliers in the waiting room.

VERY GRAND tour guide

Note the massive, 1 ton, nickel and gold chandeliers that can make the atmosphere in this vast, busy space seem itself, luminous. The waiting room is used frequently now for exhibitions, formal affairs and entertainments.

EXT. GRAND CENTRAL STATION LOOKING AT SOUTHERN FACADE DAY

THE TOURISTS lift their heads up to look at the facade.

POV TOURISTS and TOUR GUIDE. Their gaze follows the description.

vo very grand tour guide

The exterior of the majestic, eight-story, Beaux Arts building is of Stony Creek Granite and Bedford limestone. The facade is composed of pairs of Doric columns crowned by a 13-foot clock and a statuary group representing “Progress”, featuring Mercury, Hercules and Athena. The weighty grandeur was consistent with the vision and ambitions of the railroad’s founder,

“Commodore” Cornelius Vanderbilt, whose patinated statue ponders the ways of empire, as it surveys the traffic surging up Park Avenue.

INT. GRAND CENTRAL STATION GRAND CONCOURSE DAY

THE TOURISTS huddle around the TOUR GUIDE as the room is swamped with commuters hurrying to work. The TOUR GUIDE takes no notice of them and sweeps about gesturing grandly at the room.

very grand tour guide

The circular information booth of glass, marble, and brass, the parts intricately fitted and joined like the facets of a jewel, is surmounted by the Golden Clock, which is automatically reset every hour by a microprocessor (as are the 450 other clocks in the Terminal). The floors are of Tennessee marble. The extraordinary, 120-foot-high ceiling, depicts, in blue and gold, a Mediterranean sky with classical figures representing the constellations and over 2500 stars.

OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE ENDS.

FEATURING the TOUR GUIDE

very grand tour guide

Grand Central Station is possibly the most famous railroad terminal in all the world. Legions of celebrities have passed through it, noticed and unnoticed. Generals and Presidents, film stars and ballerinas, lovers and dreamers, rich and poor alike - they come - they go - they pause to bask in the magnificence that is Grand Central.

INT. VILLABANK DAY

BILL steps out of the elevator. He looks up at the clock under a sign which says “VILLABANK - NORTH AMERICAN DISBURSEMENT SERVICES” It is 8:18.

BILL walks to his office. He passes the windowless office of CHET BRAE, 37, a trim, eager executive. In his office we glimpse a Chippendale desk, a photograph of CHET playing polo, a banner from “The Dairyaire Yacht Club”. CHET’s family is one of the old, wealthy families of Dairyaire.

chet

Hey Bill. Half a day?

bill

Hey, Chet, my man. Yeah, I thought I’d take the morning off. Mary late? I was expecting to make a dramatic entrance.

chet

Your luck astounds us all, Billy. But who knows what the day will bring. Rumors of reorg’ abound. A top secret memo was delivered to Mary’s desk, by messenger, from upstairs, a scant 5 minutes ago.

bill

Really? A head-rolling day. What fun. (imitates Captain Hook) Mark my words Matey, the decks will run with crimson yuppie blood ‘ere you can eat another smoked turkey and brie croisandwich.

FEATURING BILL’S secretary DAPHNE FROST, an elegant, 22 year old, African American, sitting in her cubicle, typing.

daphne

I do believe in yuppies. I do believe in yuppies.

FEATURING CHET in his office sitting at his desk yelling out at them.

chet

Go ahead make light of it you two. My father will kill me if I lose a crumb of territory. I was up all night.

BILL stops at DAPHNE’S cubicle and picks up his mail. A sign on her desk says “Daphne Frost”.

bill

Good morning, Temp

daphne

Good morning, Sir William. You know, I have actually been your secretary for over a year now. I know I’m a temp. I chose tempdom. But what about “good morning Daphne” or “good morning Miss Frost” or (imitating gruff man) “morning Frost”

bill

Daphne, you know that I worship the quicksand you walk on but I am a ‘perm’, not a temp, and I’m supposed to have a secretary but, I don’t rate somehow, you see, so every day, you are a little reminder that my position is, shall we say, precarious. It’s a little thing, but it’s the little things that make Villabank so fascinating.

CHET pokes his head out of his office.

chet

Remember, Bill, polo.. Sunday. Cricket Club. 2 o’clock.

Bill

(in a Cary Grant voice)

Miss Frost, put that on my calendar, please. Polo. Sunday. And please, Miss Frost, have my horse, ‘Grand Illusion’, saddled and brought round to the Dairyaire Cricket Club by 1:30.

daphne

Pronto, sire. Will do. And may I add... Tallyho!

BILL pretends to mount his horse and trots into his office. CHET approaches DAPHNE’S desk.

chet

Tallyho is hunting not polo. Now Daphne (strikes abstract pose) question....

daphne

(strikes abstract pose)

Answer!

INT. BILL’S OFFICE DAY

His office has a spectacular view of midtown. His desk is cluttered is piled high with binders. He sits down. The intercom buzzes.

bill

Is that her?

daphne’s voice

She’s on her way. Conference Room B.

INT. VILLABANK HALLWAY DAY

MARY SERALLIO, 53, is late. She walks at a clip down the hall flanked by her secretary, SHAWNA, aged 25, from Brooklyn, with big hair. SHAWNA hands MARY her mail and messages as they walk. MARY is tall, bony and plain with pursed lips and an air of severe authority. She could have been the headmistress of a girls’ school in a former era.

mary

Where is it?

shawn

Here it is. They wauked it down. Bill Crawly cawled to check on it. He said Todd Deeds himself revised it this mawning. Can you stand it?

CLOSE SHOT of interoffice envelope with a bright green plastic sticker sealing it which says “EYES ONLY”.

MARY takes the envelope and rips it open.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM B DAY

Conference Room B has an oval table, an overhead projector, a screen, and an easel with a blank pad sitting on it. BILL slips in from a back door and busies himself plugging in the overhead projector. MARY marches in with the rest of the STAFF who seat themselves around the table.

CLOSE SHOT of hand placing a transparency on the lighted surface of the overhead projector. It is an ORGANIZATIONAL CHART.

PULL AWAY to reveal darkened room with PROFESSIONALS ranged around the table. MARY stands at the front before the screen with a large pointer in her hand.

mary

There are going to be some changes today. Please pay close attention. I don’t want to have to repeat myself. Any questions or objections should be addressed to the Chief Executive Officer of this bank. You all know who he is. I did not make these decisions and I have no idea why or how they came about. But I trust that they are in the best interest of us all.

CUT TO: CLOSE SHOT of a hand turning on light.

PULL BACK as fluorescent light stutters on. MARY gathers up her papers. The ATTENDEES blink stupidly. The pad on the easel behind MARY has a wild diagram on it in several colors of magic marker. The diagram depicts a crude drawing of an American Indian with a feather headdress. The feathers have names written on them; “Chet, Shawna, Ellen, Stephen, Mary, Bill, Betty, Mae, Tom, Stanford” . Crumpled sheets of paper scattered on the floor suggest the forceful nature of the preceding meeting.

mary

Got it? Chet will take Bill’s office. Bill, you’ll take the cubicle behind Shawna. And I want all of this done before lunch. We have a lot of work to do. Shawna, take care of this mess then come to my office. Bill, this is not a demotion. It’s multi-tasking. You all have your goals. Let’s go.

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE BILL’S OFFICE DAY

CLOSE SHOT of BILL. He is in shock.

PULL AWAY to reveal him standing outside his office door next to a white canvas bin on wheels. He looks over at DAPHNE.

POV BILL - behind Daphne, an identical bin stands outside CHET’S office. PROFESSIONALS are clustered around CHET congratulating him, helping to lower binders and photographs into the bin. Bursts of laughter. DAPHNE concentrates hard on the typing she is doing.

TWO SHOT BILL and DAPHNE.

bill

You knew about this didn’t you, Daphne?

DAPHNE

(distressed)

I didn’t know it was going to be a cubicle.

FULL SHOT of BILL emerging from his office with a plastic binder. He lifts it over his head and hurls it violently into the bin. It makes a LOUD NOISE. PROFESSIONALS look down as they slip past, hurrying to their lunch dates.

SLOW FADE as BILL continues to clean out his office. WORKMEN with Chet’s priceless desk on a dolly edge their way over to Bill’s office not knowing what to do next.

EXT. NEW YORK CITY MIDTOWN SAME DAY

A PIGEON sitting on a ledge above Saks Fifth Avenue takes off and flies across town to 6th Avenue. It flutters up the canyon formed by the tall buildings on either side of 6th Avenue. It is a crisp October day. Below, traffic, snarled, honking, mingles with crowds of BUSY NEW YORKERS, clotted with gesturing groups of GERMAN and JAPANESE tourists. The PIGEON settles on a windowsill high up in one of the buildings. The pigeon turns it’s beady eye to a pretty RECEPTIONIST, aged 20, with pierced nostrils, eyebrows and earlobes, just picking up the phone.

INT. HAIGHT, SCRAATCHI AND PHAY DAY

RECEPTIONIST’S desk. Over the RECEPTIONIST’S DESK is a sign saying “HAIGHT, SCRAATCHI AND PHAY - Inventing Tomorrow/Consulting Today”.

receptionist

Haight, Scraatchi and Phay, inventing tomorrow, consulting today, how may I be of assistance to you on this fine day, sir and/or madam - hold please..(she presses a few buttons, then puts on a funny voice) If you’re calling from a touch-tone phone press one, now!

She bangs the phone down and returns to reading her “Details” magazine.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM DAY

The Haight, Scraatchi and Phay conference room is furnished with Asian antiques and original art. The HIGHLY STYLISH STAFF, draped around the table, includes LOUISE who is on her best “conference” behavior. She smiles and grimaces to illustrate that she has received each point and takes ostentatious notes.

At the head of the table BENITO SCRAATCHI, 31 -- Italian, elegant and roguish; BOB HAIGHT, 56 -- heavyset and a little sour; and CISSY PHAY, 48, a fussily dressed, upwardly mobile computer nerd posing as old money - are wrapping up the meeting.

cissy phay

So, that about covers it. Anything to add, Benito? Bill?

benito scraatchi

No Ceecee, as always, you are thinking of evertheeng.

bOB haight

No, lets wrap this up. Louise, can you stay for a minute? We need to go over something with you.

louise

Umm, yeah. Of course.

FEATURING CISSY, who closes the door as the last of the STAFF leaves. She joins BENITO and BILL and they all look expectantly at LOUISE, who now has a worried look.

louise

So. What’s up?

They eye each other. CISSY gives a subtle nod to BILL.

bOB haight

We have a new client. Someone we’ve been, shall we say, courting for a long time. If it goes well it could mean a big turnaround for us.

cissy phay

(whispers, mouthing the words)

Chance of a lifetime.

benito scraatchi

Have you ever heerd of Len Schlonger?

louise

Len Schlonger! Of CyberSchlong! No way! Get out of here. You bagged Len Schlonger? Benito Scraatchi, how do you do it?

bOB haight

Louise, we want you to handle this account. We feel that you are the perfect interface with a client like this. We feel that you’ve reached the point where you have the expertise, the class and the sheer know-how to take the ball and run with it.

cissy phay

Obviously. ... obviously... we’re talking hands-on here. Hands On. And Louise, we’re talking big bonus. So don’t worry, be happy. Now Len should be here any minute...

louise

He’s coming here now? But I’m not dressed.

benito scraatchi

He ees not eenterested in your clothes.

cissy phay

Stop it Benito. Louise, you look dazzling. Now, down the line, if you need wardrobe, expense it. Because, we’re talking Broadway shows, weekends at the ranch...

louise

Weekends? I don’t know about weekends. I’ve got my two kids you know.

The three glance at each other. CISSY moves over to sit next to LOUISE. BILL leans forward. BENITO stands and looks out the window.

bOB haight

Now, Louise..

cissy phay

Let me handle this, Bill. Louise, today’s market is not for nine-to-fivers. Its a total, global, market. I thought we had an exclusive, 150% commitment from you? We just need his signature on a five-year contract.

Louise

Oh. So he’s not signed yet. You mean, I won’t be actually consulting with CyberSchlong.

bOB haight

That comes later. Maybe. Think of this as the marketing phase.

cissy phay

That’s right, Bill. It’s marketing. And face it Louise, you need a higher marketing profile in your portfolio to be competitive. But if it’s not a ‘fit’ for you...(consults list of employees) we could try...

louise

No! I mean... yes.. I’d love to do it. I’ll move things around. What are you kidding? Pass up a chance like this? You just caught me by surprise.

cissy phay

You sure?

louise

One hundred and fifty percent.

benito scraatchi

So you’ll do it? Fantastic. Louisa, I have every faith in you. You are the, how you say -- cat pajamas. You... (there’s a knock on the door) Ah! there he ees.

RECEPTIONIST opens door for LEN SCHLONGER. He is a 40ish, taught, ruthless, Howard Hughes-ish, billionaire.

benito scraatchi

(enthusiastically greeting him)

Len... baby.. let me introduce you.... my colleagues Ceesee Phay.... Bill Haight... and this is Louise Rutledge.

len

(glancing at Benito)

Louise, uh... yeah. Benito tells me you are willing to... uh.. push the envelope? Is that the kind of gal you are?

louise

That would be my fondest hope, Mr. Schlonger.

len

I’m gonna’ need to take you out for a spin, for a test drive. Did I hear you say something? No? Good. I’ll pick you up Friday, take you out to ‘Seven Falls’. Where do you live?

LOUISE

I live in Dairyaire, Connecticut, with my hus...

len

(cuts her off)

Dairyaire.... you have an airport out there in Dairyaire?

louise

An airport? I guess you’d call Buttly Field an airport. But it’s mostly private. I wonder if I can book a flight from...

len

Good. Friday -- 5 p.m. -- Buttly Field. Benito, Cissy, Bob - gotta run.

BENITO and BOB escort LEN out of the room. A BURST OF HEARTY MALE LAUGHTER is heard from the hallway. LOUISE, somewhat nonplussed, gathers together her papers. CISSY has launched into a furious computer session with a laptop.

Louise

Cissy, what is “Seven Falls”?

cissy phay

(absorbed in her laptop)

Ranch... Rockies.

INT. LOUISE’S OFFICE DAY

LOUISE sits in a chair on wheels. To her right is her desk and telephone. To her left is a computer and a fax machine. LOUISE has kicked off her shoes and scattered around her are shoe boxes, their contents spilled out on the rug. Her secretary, MEDINA, a short, plump, 45 year-old, Middle Eastern woman in black veils and sneakers darts into the room with a document. The phone is on ‘speaker’.

voice of bob straight

OK, Louise. I’ve got the CyberSchlong materials you asked for. It’s kind of scant. The company seems to be a little shadowy. There’s plenty of press on him though. I’ve got that big article from “All is Vanity” that came out last spring. Shall I send that too?

louise

I want everything you’ve got Bob. But just hold on to it, I’ll send a messenger over. (the phone rings) Wait a sec, I have a call. (she reaches over to the phone and pushes a button) Louise Rutledge.

voice of samantha toff

Lulu dahling! Are you there, in your cage, today?

louise

(her voice changes to a cultured, fruity, bubbly joy) Samantha! Darling! Hold one second. (hits button on phone, changes voice) Bob? Listen, I’ve got to run. Fax the article, will you? Great. Thanks one million. ‘Bye. (hits button on phone) Samantha, you still there? Hold one more second. (hits button on phone) Medina. (Medina runs in) Call Fleet and have a messenger sent to Bob Straight’s office. You have the address on that memo we did last week. Oh and one more thing, do you have the number for my husband’s secretary, Daphne Frost? See if you can get her on the phone. I’ve been trying to reach Bill all morning. (Medina nods and rushes out) Samantha, darling, thanks for calling me back. How was Paris? I’m so glad you’re back. I need your help. (she rolls over to the keyboard and starts typing and mousing)

CLOSE SHOT of telephone.

voice of samantha Toff

(languid and girly)

A. Paris was divine. B. Yes, I’m back. C. Love to help, darling, but not on speakerphone. You know how I hate it. You sound like a goldfish accepting an Oscar. Turn it off.

FULL SHOT of LOUISE rolling quickly across the room on her chair. She hits a button on the phone and picks up the receiver.

Louise

There. Better? Listen, darling, I’ve just been given the Len Schlonger account. What? Notorious? Samantha... those days are over. This is business. Strictly business. Now, I’m going to Seven Falls this weekend.... his ranch in the Rockies, darling. ... Well that’s my first question.... You, who are the greatest living expert on the international billionaire/eurotrash lounging circuit, you alone can tell me what to pack. OK... so ski, ski, ski. ..But where should I go for skiwear? ... I tried “The Ski Bunny” this morning. On Madison, right? The only thing that fit me was the fondue pot. I need a drapey yet sporty, lycra-Heidi look. No. Not Fleiss. You know, the Alpy-wheelchairy-Swissy Heidi. Will you take me shopping? Can you hold?

MEDINA darts in with an urgent look. With her is a PUERTO RICAN DELI DELIVERY MAN with lunch and a sexy, SKI SHOP DELIVERY YOUTH with skis, pole and boots. LOUISE motions them all to come in. The DELIVERY MAN unpacks her lunch and lays it out on the round table -- grilled shrimp Caesar with Tab and breadsticks and a kiwi tart with coffee. SKIBOY props up the skis and pole and kneels down to fit the boots on her.

medina

(in an urgent whisper)

Daphne Frost on 1056.

LOUISE leans back to punch a button on the phone, while the SKIBOY pulls heavy socks on and starts to fit the skiboots. With a free hand she reaches for the lunch bill, adds the tip and signs it, smiles sweetly to her lunch man. She picks up a grilled shrimp.

louise

(sharply)

Daphne? Hello, Daphne. Yes, this is Louise Rutledge. I’m trying to get ahold of my husband. He left at 12! Is he not well? How could you not know? Did he leave any message? That’s very odd. ... No don’t put me on hold, I’ll try him at home. (pushes button on phone) Samantha? Sorry darling. Bill is missing in action. Then his nasty little temp tried to put me on hold. Can you imagine? (to Skiboy) Ouch! Too tight, take them away. (shoos him away with her shrimp, to Samantha) So fine. Tomorrow, 12:30, The Four Reasons, then Barkdoffs and you’ll take it from there. Can’t wait. And Samantha.. ‘leave home without it’.. no ... this is all on me. It’s business, strictly business. (hits phone button, then intercom button) Medina, I’m taking Samantha Toff to lunch tomorrow. Please call The Four Reasons and reserve a table for two at 12:30. Use her name, we’ll get a better table. And then Medina, will you call Mrs. Mangiano at my house after 4 p.m. and ask her to do the mis-en-place for Chicken Polskichini. The tape is by the cuisinart. She’ll know. I’m going for a facial at 3:30 and I won’t be back.

MEDINA pokes her head into the office.

medina

What is that... misaplass?

louise

(condescending, teachery)

‘Mis en place’ is a cooking term in the French language. It means “put in place”.

CLOSE SHOT of LOUISE’S face as she smirks knowingly at MEDINA.

INT. GRAND CENTRAL STATION DAY

BILL sits alone at the bar at the top of the grand staircase at Grand Central. He is nursing a white wine. He stares up at the ceiling. The ceiling starts to spin round and round.

DISSOLVE TO:

FANTASY: On a cerulean blue background stars twinkle brightly. In the center is ORION, a dazzlingly beautiful Hero God wearing a lion skin and holding a club. PEGASUS, the winged horse, canters over to him. He leaps onto the horse’s back. He rides to the foreground, then reigns in the horse. BILL stumbles towards them, looking dazed.

orion

Bill. Long time no see. What’s the matter kiddo?

bill

Chet Brae got my office. They moved me to a cubicle. I’m so humiliated. I’m just a big failure. I wish I was dead. (he cries)

orion

You know something, Bill. I see change ahead for you. I see action. I see some rough riding.

bill

(sniffling)

You do?

PEGASUS rears up on his hind legs and ORION has a bit of a struggle to bring him under control.

orion

You know what else, Bill? I have a feeling about that cubicle. Yes, I have a distinct feeling that you should hold on to that cubicle. Nothing wrong with a cubicle. Whatever happens, you just hold tight. Billy Boy, you’re the Cube in Cubicle! Be There or Be Square!

INT. GRAND CENTRAL STATION BAR DAY

FULL SHOT of BILL sitting at the bar. His head has dropped onto his chest. He jerks awake and looks with alarm at the Golden Clock.

POV BILL. The clock reads 4:05. BILL runs down the stairs, across the Concourse and into the gate. He jumps onto a train just seconds before the doors close and it begins to pull away.

INT. RUTLEGDE HOUSE - TWILIGHT

CLOSE SHOT of hand holding video remote control.

PULL AWAY to reveal MRS. MANGIANO, an Italian-American, 55ish, starting the tape of CHICKEN POLSKICHINI. She struggles with the control, finally finds the ‘play’ button. She gets food out of the fridge while behind her on the screen -

blanche (ON TV)

Before we begin with my recipe for Chicken Polskichini, a note about killing chickens. Take the chicken firmly by the neck, if you can! Which reminds me, I always feel that it helps to have a stun gun. You can pick one up at your local police station or look for ads in ‘Soldier of Fortune’.

As BLANCHE chases the chicken around the barnyard with a stun gun, the CHILDREN run into the room. They stop transfixed by the screen.

mrs. mangiano

Madre de Dio! Where is thingymajiggy? (she finds control and forcefully pushes the fast forward button) Fasta forward, fasta forward.

timmy and sally

(dancing around Mrs. Mangiano, screaming)

Don’t turn it off. Mrs. Mangiano! We want to watch Blanche slaughter the chicken.

sally

We never get to watch that part.

timmy

I’ve watched it, skunkbrain, its like totally gory, with blood and guts sprayed all over the walls and everything.

sally

Oh gross! You’re lying. (screaming) You did not see it.

timmy

Did too!

TIMMY and SALLY run away screaming at each other “Did not”, “Did too”. MRS. MANGIANO runs after them.

INT. RUTLEDGE HOUSE FRONT HALLWAY TWILIGHT

mrs. mangiano

Basta. Basta. Quella tempesti bambini! Madre de Dio!

MRS. MANGIANO struggles up the stairs.

REVERSE SHOT of front door opening. BILL comes in, drops his brief case on the floor and opens his arms. TIMMY and SALLY turn at the landing.

timmy and sally

(screaming together)

Daddy!

INT. FAMILY ROOM NIGHT

BILL sits on the couch watching TV. The kids loll on the couch on either side of him. Through the kitchen door MRS. MANGIANO is seen working hard on the dinner. BILL flips through the channels mindlessly, sipping a cocktail.

FULL SCREEN SHOT of television - ‘Gladiators On Parade’ is on. The BEEFCAKE and BIMBO PLAYERS are on a giant couch where they can hardly keep their footing and they are batting at each other with giant pillows.

FEATURING The CHILDREN, who lunge at BILL.

timmy and sally

Daddy can we play ‘Gladiators on Parade’? Please. Please.

CUT TO:

BILL, coming through the door of the family room in an outrageous outfit, cobbled together from various things around the house like - bicycle pants, a football helmet, a baseball glove and a big pillow. Behind him come TIMMY and SALLY in similar get-up.

FEATURING BILL and CHILDREN rolling over the couch, batting each other with pillows, screaming, running and sliding on the slick part of the floor.

ANOTHER ANGLE of the family room and its goings on as seen through the businesslike strides of LOUISE.

FEATURING LOUISE, carrying her bags of purchases, still in her coat. She enters the room and turns off the television. The game stops.

louise

(unsmiling)

Dinner is in twenty minutes. Homework finished and on the table before food is served. No homework no food.

INT. KITCHEN NIGHT

MRS. MANGIANO is getting her coat on. LOUISE puts chicken in the oven. The kitchen is a mess. Every possible dish and utensil has been used.

louise

Good. So you’re done. How much do I owe you?

Mrs. mangiano

(eyeing her malevolently)

Eighty dollars for today.

louise

(really alarmed)

Eighty? How do you get that?

mrs. mangiano

Thirty for the children, 3 to 6. Fifty for the dinner. Cooking, she isa work, Mrs. Rutledge. It always awarna you. We been athrough this before.

louise

But mis-en-place isn’t cooking.

mrs. mangiano

Mizza pizza plaza -- I don know wha’da you talk about. I toucha food, I don’a eat it, I charga you.

LOUISE

At least you could stay five minutes and do the dishes. Look at this mess.

mrs. mangiano

Fiva minutes! You crazy? It taka me one hour, minimum, but you know Mrs. Rutledge.. I tolla you and I tolla you.. I donna do dishes. Everybody do their owna dishes now. That’s why we foughta World War Two, so that everybody can do their own dishes. Ina my country, my father, he lay down his life.....

louise

OK. OK. There’s not a single thing I can do about World War II. I’ll pay. (counts out the money) Two, four, six, eighty. (suddenly really sweet and chipper) And we’ll see you on Wednesday.

MRS. MANGIANO leaves. BILL comes into the kitchen and seeing the pile of shoe boxes in fancy bags casually picks a credit card receipt out of the bag.

bill

(whistles)

You spent two thousand dollars on shoes today?

LOUISE, without saying a word to him, snatches the receipt out of his hand on her way out of the room.

INT. DINING ROOM NIGHT

LOUISE picks at her chicken and reads the homework. The OTHERS eye the Chicken Polskichini and push it around with their forks, now and then glancing at each other.

INT. KITCHEN NIGHT

LOUISE is now alone in the kitchen. Dishes are stacked everywhere. LOUISE sighs, puts on an apron and a pair of Platex Living gloves and approaches the sink.

REVERSE ANGLE of BILL entering room. He whistles and starts to pack away leftovers.

bill

Kids are in bed. I’m a little worried about Timmy’s verbal skills. When is the next parents’ weekend at Boxwood?

FEATURING the kitchen window. Steam rises from the sink. LOUISE’S face is reflected in the window over the sink.

louise

We’ll have to pull them out of Boxwood. I don’t know where to send them. Its a big problem.

ANGLE ON BILL who stops dead in his tracks.

bill

What are you talking about? We love Boxwood.

CLOSE SHOT of LOUISE. She turns off the water abruptly.

louise

I can’t expose the children to that kind of humiliation.

BILL throws his hands up in exasperation. He gets a glass and pours himself a soda from the fridge.

louise (O.S)

Maybe you should have an ice cube with that. Or perhaps I should say ‘an ice cubicle’!

bill

(shocked)

Cubicle? What do you mean by that?

WINDOW SHOT of LOUISE with steam streaming around her face.

louise

Did it ever occur to you. EVER -- that maybe, just maybe,

FLASHBACK:

EXT. MADEMOISELLE ODILE’S DAY

LOUISE opens the door to ultra-fashionable beauty salon.

VO LOUISE (con’t)

I went this afternoon to have a facial at Mademoiselle Odile’s

FLASHBACK:

INT. MADEMOISELLE ODILE’S DAY

LOUISE leans back with a mud mask on her face. She turns her head to listen to MARY HAYNES, a chic 35 year-old, who sits under a hairdryer. MARY alternates between whispering to LOUISE and listening to her phone.

SPLIT SCREEN with MARY on one side talking on the phone and on the other her husband STEPHEN a handsome, gullible, 34 year old, executive, who talks excitedly into the phone.

vo louise (con’t)

and that I just happened to sit next to Mary Haynes, who just happened to have spoken to her husband Steven Haynes,

FLASHBACK:

INT. VILLABANK EXECUTIVE DINING ROOM DAY

ELLEN YAMAGUCHI, an impossibly sleek 30 year old Japanese woman with a syrupy smile leans forward confidentially to STEPHEN HAYNES. ELLEN takes a breadstick and throws it onto her tray in imitation of BILL’S tantrum.

vo louise (CON’T)

who just happens to work at Villabank, and who just happened to have had lunch today with Ellen Yamaguchi, who

FLASHBACK:

INT. VILLABANK HALLWAY OUTSIDE CHET’S OFFICE DAY

ELLEN stands next to CHET. She is helping to put folders in Chet’s moving bin. They stare incredulously across the hall.

vo louise (CON’T)

also a Villabank employee, just happens to report directly to Chet Brae.

FLASHBACK:

INT. VILLABANK HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF BILL’S OFFICE DAY

BILL furiously throws binders into the canvas bin. He is raving and foaming at the mouth.

vo louise (CON’T)

Since she is not blind, she saw your entire brilliant performance.

FANTASY:

INT. PRAVDA DOWNTOWN NEW YORK HOTSPOT NIGHT

Excited and well-dressed SOCIALITES are crammed into the underground vaults of Pravda. In the center ELLEN YAMAGUCHI, MARY AND STEPHEN HAYNES and CHET BRAE entertain a big crowd. They have breadsticks which they raise over their heads and throw violently onto the table. The crowd bursts into hysterical laughter. People at the edge of the crowd can be seen relaying the story to other tables where complete strangers throw down their breadsticks and howl with laughter.

vo louise (CON’T)

They’ll be dining out on the story for weeks. The entire city is talking about your behavior this morning.

INT. RUTLEDGE HOUSE KITCHEN NIGHT

BILL dries a big pot and purses his lips. He puts it on a long table. LOUISE fishes around in the sink for more dishes to wash.

bill

Bullshit! The entire city has other problems on its hands.

louise

Guess again. News travels fast around here. All of Dairyaire knows.

FANTASY:

EXT. FANTASY DAIRYAIRE TRAIN STATION NIGHT

The station is exaggerated, surreal, as seen through LOUISE’S paranoid state. LOUISE is stepping off the train. FELLOW COMMUTERS turn up their collars and avoid her. A MOB OF DRUNK COMMUTERS, lurch over to her, jeering. They pelt her with stale croissants. CHILDREN point and their PARENTS hurry them away.

vo louise (CON’T)

At the train station they treated me like a leper. Concerned parents covered their children’s eyes..

As LOUISE walks down the platform isolated REAL ESTATE TYPES with “For Sale” signs, dart out at her from the shadows, whispering offers. They lure her like Sirens. She shuns them.

VO LOUISE (CON’T)

Between the door of the train and the parking lot I got three offers on the house!

She approaches a taxi. The TAXI DRIVER is looking down. He suddenly looks up. It is LEN SCHLONGER with a patch over one eye and a scar down the side of his face. He looks her up and down, undressing her with his eyes, then shakes his head. LOUISE reaches into his window and pleads with him, looking over her shoulder at the menacing crowd. He pushes her to the ground. She sprawls on the pavement. Her purse opens and her credit cards scatter. She scrambles for her things. She pulls out a twenty dollar bill and, sitting on her knees, hands it to him. He snatches the money from her and reconsiders. He holds the bill up to the light to check it then jerks with his head for her to get it. She scrambles into the back seat and the cab pulls away with a screech.

VO LOUISE (CON’T)

And then... the taxi driver, oh it was so humiliating, the taxi driver made me pay in full before getting in.

INT. RUTLEDGE HOUSE KITCHEN NIGHT

LOUISE starts loading the dishwasher.

louise (con’t)

You’re going to lose your job. I’d fire you. How long do you think it will take Cissy Phay to get ahold of this? I’m certainly going to lose my job.

FANTASY:

EXT. STREET IN DAIRYAIRE NIGHT

The “Welcome to Dairyaire, Population 25,000” sign. The “25,000” has been crossed out and “24,996” has been scrawled over it. Leaning up against the sign, just over the town line, is a refrigerator-box shack. LOUISE, wrapped in filthy rags, stirs a pot suspended over a fire. She drops a dead rat into the pot. BILL, a drunken bum, empties a bottle of Thunderbird and falls over in a dead faint. The CHILDREN pick through a green plastic garbage bags, gnawing on chicken bones like feral cats.

vo louise

We’ll be homeless within a year! We’ll have to live in a cardboard shack and eat garbage!

INT. KITCHEN NIGHT

CLOSE SHOT of heavy iron pot being slammed onto the table.

PULL AWAY to BILL. He leans on the edges of the pot.

bill

All right! Stop. So I had a hard day. So what? Suddenly we’re homeless. You’re such a scenario queen. Louise, we could never be homeless. I know your parents are dead. But mine aren’t. They would help. Besides, I’m not going to lose my job. I’m in the penalty box. That’s all. Who knows, maybe I even deserve it.

LOUISE opens the refrigerator and searches it for leftovers. She stuffs them down the disposal and turns on the motor and runs the water. She shouts over all the noise.

louise

Of course you deserve it. You’re incompetent. Incompetent people are discarded like eggs shells and coffee grinds. Did you read that article in “All is Vanity”? It said that white collar workers lose a job every 30 seconds -- and that three-bedroom houses go into foreclosure every 12 seconds!

FANTASY:

EXT. DAIRYAIRE STREET DAY

View of a block with large houses. All of the FAMILIES have been turned out of their houses. “BANK FORECLOSURE” signs are being driven into front yards by ARMED GUARDS. Big piles of antique furniture and fancy clothes are out on the sidewalk. Cars pull up with bumperstickers that say “Just Graduated” and PRANCING NOUVEAU RICHE GRADUATE STUDENTS, wearing gowns and mortar boards holding big scrolls that say “Deed” and “MBA” get out. They waltz into the houses, turning up their noses at the evicted residents.

vo louise (con’t)

That’s five times what it was in 1978 and an increase of 37% over 1994. If you divide that by the number of business school graduates in 1996 and multiply that by the year 2000 you get a recipe for disaster.

INT. KITCHEN NIGHT

CLOSE SHOT of broom sweeping.

PULL AWAY to BILL sweeping the floor. LOUISE is wiping the countertops.

bill

You get the recipe for Phony Baloney! Phony -- as in fake. Like your job. Consulting! What the hell is ‘consulting’? All those white collar workers who get fired every 30 seconds get hired to be consultants 25 seconds later. As consultants they get paid to tell companies to fire other white collar workers. Of course you’d fire me. You’d fire anything that moves. That’s your job, firing people. I didn’t get fired. I just had to take a little drop in salary, that’s all. We might have to downsize a little.

FEATURING LOUISE throwing down her sponge and glaring at BILL.

louise

(over the edge)

Downsize? Downsize?

FANTASY:

EXT. WOODS DAY

In a clearing in the woods a little rustic cabin sits. Outside is a beat-up old Volkswagen bug. LOUISE wears pig tails and a stained smock and big army boots. She draws water from a well. TIMMY and SALLY look like characters out of Tom Sawyer. TIMMY shoots at birds with a slingshot while SALLY feeds a scrawny chicken that scratch around in the yard. BILL emerges from the woods with a basket of pine cones. He smiles dreamily. LOUISE sneers at the pine cones and throws them into the bushes.

vo louise (CON’T)

You mean live in a.. cabin with one car, and.. and.. wear grunge

FANTASY:

INT. RUSTIC CABIN NIGHT

In the cabin at night a few candles are burning. On a Franklin stove popcorn is popping and spilling over onto the floor. TIMMY tries to get an old television to work. He keeps hitting it but it won’t work. BILL is reading from “Little Red Riding Hood” with a beatific expression on his face. LOUISE stands with a pointer before an old pull-down map of the world. She points at “Montana” while SALLY stuffs rags into chinks in the wall and shivers, trying to pay attention to LOUISE.

vo louise (CON’T)

and.. and.. school the children at home and make popcorn and read stories to each other .. and

FANTASY:

EXT. WOODS DAY

The WHOLE FAMILY is out in the woods hunting for berries. They look exhausted and hungry. BILL and SALLY compare baskets. They each have but a few forlorn looking berries. Angry CROWS scream down at them from the trees. LOUISE reaches for a blackberry and pricks her finger on a thorn. She recoils.

vo louise (CON’T)

and hunt for berries in the woods?

INT. FANTASY KITCHEN NIGHT

LOUISE is on the floor with a bucket next to her, scrubbing. The kitchen melts away as she speaks and is replaced by a dark blue infinity. Her image is isolated in the middle of the screen while around her appear the things of which she speaks.

louise

Forget it! I need MONEY. I’ve tasted it. I can’t go back. I need 85’s from Bordeaux, (con’t)

BACKGROUND IMAGE: LOUISE sits in a vineyard in Bordeaux, sipping wine while a solicitous FRENCH WAITER hovers nearby with a bottle.

and dinners at La Cuisse (con’t)

BACKGROUND IMAGE: LOUISE sits at a trendy Manhattan restaurant. A WAITER puts a plate in front of her. On the plate a tiny pigeon is surrounded by a swirl of different colored sauces. A single pigeon claw reaches up. To one side is a puff pastry shell with a huge plume of scallion.

and gowns by Virago (con’t)

BACKGROUND IMAGE: LOUISE steps into a stage light in an overwrought fashion creation which doesn’t really fit her.

and sportswear by Dora Kaftan. (con’t)

BACKGROUND IMAGE: LOUISE on the ski slopes in her drapey-lycra-Heidi ski outfit.

You live in a world of penalty boxes, home runs, chocolate brownies, margaritas and refinancing. (con’t)

BACKGROUND IMAGE: As she says penalty box, home runs etc. they appear in rhythm around her. For “refinancing” a smiling MORTGAGE BROKER, steps out of a small shop

You think downsizing and down pillows are the same thing. (con’t)

BACKGROUND IMAGE: A down pillow breaks and the feathers float everywhere.

I’m a realist. (con’t)

BACKGROUND IMAGE: Out of the feathers, bombs exploding, slaves being whipped, gangsters gunning down people in a bank, armies marching, birds lying dead and fish floating belly up in water. All of the images appear together and start to circle. They form a vortex that swirls and swirls until it becomes an image of the Earth seen from outer space.

I need whole continents of wage slaves, I need crime and war and extinction and brutality to manufacture the kind of luxury I’m entitled to.

FULL SCREEN IMAGE: LOUISE scrubbing the floor dissolves into the image of the Earth. The Earth dissolves into liquid. The liquid starts to swirl.

INT. KITCHEN NIGHT

CLOSE SHOT of water swirling down the drain. BILL is pouring the water from the bucket.

bill

Entitled to! Who has been stuffing this crap into your head? You read All is Vanity and cheap psychopop like Women are from Pluto, Men are from Uranus. It’s garbage. You have a college education Louise. You could raise money for hospitals or fight for education, or help the poor, or the libraries or the National Parks, or the opera or the UN. You could join the League of Votive Women. You’re supposed to have values that represent something. You’re supposed to have a vision that reaches out to the future, that cares about things other than luxury, other than ‘me, me, me’!

TWO SHOT. BILL and LOUISE stand in the middle of the kitchen face each other and argue.

louise

I don’t want visions. I want money. Face it, I now earn about $150,000 more than you if you count the perks on my job and..

bill

What! In what way is $2000 worth of shoes and lunches at The Four Reasons a contribution to our family finances. You earn a simple ten thousand more than I do at present - in a good year. I’m having a setback now but my long range prospects are ...

louise

This is not a setback. This is not the penalty box. You’re out of the game, buster. You’re off the team. You’re gonna slide from cubicles to cocktails for the rest of your life. You’re just a pretty boy with no brains - a country club gigolo. You’ve fathered some children for me and now you’re usefulness is over. I’ve sucked the nectar from your blossom. I’ve trampled out the grapes of your vineyard. You’re a husk.

bill

This is a marriage, not a plantation, Louise. You took vows...

louise

Vows are old-fashioned. The world is hurtling to a vowless future. Get with it or get off. (the dishes are finished, suddenly she is bright and cheerful) There, that’s done. Now, tomorrow is not so early. We can sleep ‘til 6:30. I’ll reset the alarm. Oh, I almost forgot, Mary tells me that Ellen said you are to play polo with Chet Brae on Saturday. They’re all waiting to see if you’ll have the guts to show up. I expect you to be there. Oh, and another thing, I won’t be able to go to Lake Dairyaire this weekend for the Staunchler’s picnic. I’m going to a ranch in the Rocky Mountains for the weekend. I’ll be back Sunday night. It’s business of course. Strictly business.

She flips off the light leaving BILL in the dark and leaves. He sits on the floor in the dark, his back against the kitchen cabinets, shaking his head and sipping his soda.

INT. GRAND CENTRAL STATION DAY

SAMANTHA TOFF bustles up to the clock with Louise. The clock reads 2:15. They both carry shopping bags and are dressed to the hilt. Samantha Toff, 36, formerly a model, now the third wife of British industrialist, Holden “Turk” Toff. During this conversation they mince to an ATM and get big wads of cash.

samantha

I’m to meet Turk here at half two. Darling, have the most wonderful time. I think that Len has a thing for you.

louise

I have to admit,..it has crossed my mind. I must be his type or something. Can you imagine me ... Mrs. Len Schlonger. How silly. Its strictly business!

samantha

Right! He was married to that Italian porno star, Cappricia Vulvata. But before her he’s had three wives. I wouldn’t trust him.

louise

Those girls haven’t uttered a peep to the press. Must be some kind of elaborate pre-nup. I wonder what he’s really like?

EXT. SMALL AIRPORT IN ROCKY MOUNTAINS SUNSET

A private jet stands on the runway, stairs in place, with Rocky Mountain sunset in background. LOUISE descends the stairs followed by MICKEY, a 56 year-old, ranch hand type, loaded with her luggage. A strong wind blows and LOUISE’S scarf-draped fashion creation blows extravagantly in all directions. A beat-up station wagon sits on the runway. Mickey piles her luggage in the back, then opens the back door for her. LOUISE tries to get in but her scarves blow about so much that she is almost choked while getting into the car and has to be untangled by MICKEY.

INT. SEVEN FALLS NIGHT

An OVERWORKED COUPLE, MADGE AND MICKEY, run the house. MADGE, 59, dressed like a Howard Johnson’s waitress, opens the front door, wiping her hands on her apron and MICKEY brings up the rear with the luggage. They exchange glances as LOUISE breezes into the house.

madge

Howdo, Miss Rutledge. I’m Madge and this here’s Mickey. You need anything you just holler.

mickey

You gotta holler real loud though. Heh...heh... Right Madge?

madge

You stop your foolishness Mickey and take Miss Rutledge to her room. She probly wants to freshen up. God help her.

louise

Madge... Mickey... how do you do? I’m Mrs. Rutledge, actually.

MICKEY snickers as he goes off with the bags.

POV LOUISE who wanders into the living room. The house is large, with stone walls and fireplaces. However, beyond its heroic proportions, it is characterized by a complete lack of style. It could be a “Days Inn”. LEN approaches from the deck.

INT. DINING ROOM THAT NIGHT

CLOSE SHOT of plate being put down in front of Louise - a gnarly steak and a baked potato in gold foil and a little pile of overcooked stringbeans.

PULL AWAY to Madge picking up a gallon bottle of wine, Thunder Rock Chablis, with the price tag “$3.99” prominently displayed and fills her glass. LOUISE is in a strapless, glitter-encrusted designer dress, sitting next to LEN at a large dining table. He has changed into a sweater. They eye each other in silence. She takes a sip of the wine and almost chokes on it. A picture window takes up one wall of the dining room. Some outdoor lighting highlights trees and in the distance a light flickers. On the table two plastic candlesticks hold burning candles.

louise

It’s so quiet here. Nothing for miles and miles. Oh, except there... those lights...way over there. What are they?

len

That’s were Madge and Mickey live. Its twenty miles away. They leave after dinner. I like being alone at night.

EXT. FRONT OF HOUSE NIGHT

FEATURING MADGE and MICKEY leaving the house and getting into their car. MADGE pulls a “clapper” from her purse. As they back up she points it at the house, gives MICKEY a knowing look, and claps. The lights go off and the house is plunged into darkness.

INT. DINING ROOM NIGHT

As the lights go out, LOUISE jumps and grabs a candlestick.

louise

I feel tired. I’ll see you in the morning. Good night, Mr. Schlonger.

She hurries away. LEN gets up slowly to follow her.

INT. BEDROOM NIGHT

LOUISE, holding her candle, closes the door and bolts it. She puts her ear to the door and listens for Len. The bedroom is big with a fire in the fireplace and bookcases to either side. She tries to turn on the light but it won’t work. She lights other candles in the room, using the table candle. She picks up the phone by the bed. It is dead. In a panic she rifles through her purse for her cellular phone. She dials madly but it won’t work.

louise

I have to calm down. Boy is he weird. What a cheap son-of-a-bitch. $3.99 gallon of wine. Tasted like toddler piss. Shit! I gotta get out of here first thing in the morning. What a waste of time.

She goes over to the bookshelves with a candle and examines the books. The books however are fake, just a facade.

louise

Look at this! He can’t even buy a couple of lousy detective novels.

Moonlight comes in through the window and branches SCRATCH against the window. A COYOTE CALLS. LOUISE wanders to the window.

FEATURING the bookcase, which slides open revealing LEN standing in a secret passageway. He holds a candle up to his face.

ANGLE ON LOUISE. A draft flutters her candle. She turns sharply and, seeing LEN, screams.

TWO SHOT of LEN and LOUISE. He advances ominously into the room staring at her. She backs up. She stumbles on her skis. She grabs a ski and brandishes it at him.

louise

Oh... my God... Uh.... Mr. Schlonger.... You scared me. I know we haven’t talked business yet. But it looks like you’d like to start. I would just need your signature on this contract before ... we go into ... ah... deeper discussions...

She grabs the Haight Scraatchi and Phay contract from a table and pushes it at him. He keeps closing on her and she keeps backing away, using the ski she pokes at him when he comes too close. She picks up a ski pole and makes the sign of the cross with the ski. LEN laughs sinisterly and backs off, glancing at the contract.

len

(reading the contract)

So, if I sign this, you’ll “do it”. No marriage.

louise

Funny you should mention that. Right... marriage would be Part Two of the deal. Part One - contract, Part Two - marriage.

LEN opens the dresser drawer and takes out a pre-printed pile of contracts. He hands one to LOUISE.

len

Here’s my standard pre-nup. You sign this, I sign your contract, we “do it” tonight? How’s that sound?

louise

(takes the pre-nup)

Let me just give a quick looksee here at this pre-nup. No.. no... no..... no, no, no, no. This is really, really stupid and wrong and sick actually. I tell you what, I’ll make you an offer. (she rips the Haight Scraatchi and Phay contract from his hand) No consulting contracts, no pre-nup, no “do it”, no tonight. This never happened. Leave this room, right now.

len

Hmmm. No can do, Louise. How about this? I sign the consulting contract, that makes you a big successful career woman. Then we “do it” tonight. Then I give you my word as a gentleman to work out a marriage deal that makes us both happy?

louise

That would be a definite “NO”. I have a husband and two children, Mr. Schlonger. Does that make you a gentleman?

len

Get a divorce. Nothing could be simpler.

louise

Yes, something could be simpler. For example, you marry me, no pre-nup, no weird conditions. On our wedding night, we “do it”. Simple, old-fashioned, no questions asked.

len

I have only one problem with that. You see, Louise, I actually really love you. I’ve loved you from the moment I first saw you. I’ve never seen a women who is more alluring, more exciting, more exactly the lover, wife, friend, I’ve dreamed of all my life. My love is deep. Deeper than the deepest ocean.

louise

Wider than the sky? I’ll take “Original Thoughts” for 500. Pleeese, spare me. I have no illusions about you, Bucko.

len

If you have no illusions cut the crap and take off your clothes.

LEN lunges for her. LOUISE scampers away, grabbing the skis and poles, she constructs a cage for herself in a corner. She pokes at him with the skipole. He paces outside her cage.

louise

You take off your clothes first.

LEN takes off his sweater and shirt. He is well built. His muscles glisten in the candlelight. LOUISE is dazzled. She reaches cautiously through the cage and feels his pecs.

louise

(singing)

‘How much is that doggie in the window’? Oh my. This is tempting. And yet... I pause at the brink of the flesh.. so many complications. You see the problem, Len, is that, frankly, I’m an adult. I can wait. I have the inner strength to postpone a fleeting pleasure, to resist temptation. Put it away.

len

What does that make me? A child? I’m afraid you’re going to find, Miss Maturity, that Uncle Lenny knows a thing or two about the thin ice of adult life as practiced by the Great American Corporate Elite. For example.. your husband “Bill”, remember him? He’s not doing very well. I happen to know that he is going to lose his job. You have that mortgage, the Porsche, The Boxwood Academy, not to mention your own top dollar appetites. (she is shocked at his knowledge) That’s right. Daddy knows all sees all. You’re waiting for the big money to start coming in. But consulting is uncertain. At the end of the day, Power Dressing isn’t Power. Here’s my final offer. I promise to marry you. No pre-nup. My only, single and simple condition is that we “do it” tonight, here, now. Trust me.

LOUISE says nothing. She has a frightened look. She lets the cage fall apart and sinks down on the bed. LEN kneels in front of her and buries his face in her breast, then pushes himself up onto the bed so that he’s lying on top of her. As he moves up her he pulls up her skirt and slides a hand between her legs. Suddenly she stiffens and struggles away from him. She paces in front of the fire.

louise

Here’s the thing. Like, I would do this. Like, you’re hot and it’s pretty wild here. I would do it, Len, but for one small detail. One mistake that gives you away -- that blows your cover -- that blows you out of the fucking water. The wine, Len, the wine. $3.99 for a gallon of wine. And not some find, some amazing delicious bargain -- NO! Really bad, really cheap wine! You served it to me. (yelling) You cheap bastard. How dare you serve such swill to me? You have no idea how to treat a lady. And you know what? That will prove out in bed. It always does. No wonder your wives leave you. Get out of this room, you sick dickhead!

EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS NIGHT

A PACK OF WOLVES running in the snow in the moonlight under the Rockies, snarling and yapping at each other, rolling in the snow.

INT. BEDROOM NIGHT

LEN, standing in the secret passage, his face a mask of frustration and rage.

len

You win this round Louise. I’m leaving now. Make me one promise.

louise

What?

len

Promise me that you will get a divorce as soon as humanly possible.

louise

I..... promise.

The bookshelf slides shut. LOUISE gasps. A look of incredible triumph comes over her face.

louise

Yes! Yes!

The panel suddenly slides open again. LEN stands there with a smirk on his face.

len

One more thing. You could stand to lose a couple of pounds.

The panel hisses shut again. LOUISE backs up staring at it. She feels her hips and waistline with her hands. She runs to a mirror and examines herself.

INT. PRIVATE JET AFTERNOON NEXT DAY

LOUISE is alone in the jet pacing with a phone in her hand. She dials.

louise

(yelling)

Hello. Can you hear me. I’m calling from the plane. Mrs. Mangiano, what are you doing there? Oh... I see .. Mr. Rutledge is on the way to his polo game. No... that’s okay. I’ll call him on the car phone.

INT. BILL’S CAR (REAR PROJECTION DAIRYAIRE) DAY

BILL, looking distinguished in his polo outfit, is driving through DAIRYAIRE slowly. The phone in the car rings. He answers it.

bill

Hello. Louise! Where are you? You’re on a jet! Wow. Having fun? You what? You have to speak up I can’t hear you! You want what? You want a divorce? (swerves to avoid hitting a jogger) Sure, whatever. Can you pick up some Chinese Food on your way in from the airport? There’s nothing to eat in the house and I have this damn polo match and the kids are going to be crazy when I get back. You know, some sesame noodles, a moo shu chicken, some shrimp with black bean.. What? Louise.. I love you and we’re happily married. We can’t get a divorce. No. You asked me and I’m answering. No!.... I’m not being old-fashioned. There’s no such thing as old-fashioned. Divorce is old-fashioned.

BILL hits the radio button in the car. A country western tune is playing.

(sings) D I V O R C E ,,,,, it’s like Country Western... puffed sleeves and cowboy hats and big hair -- old-fashioned. I’m driving a car. Is that old-fashioned? Yes! I just had lunch. Is that old-fashioned? Yes. What? You what? You’re sending your secretary around for your things. You can’t just send Medina “to pack your bags”. She’s not your handmaid Louise! She’s not your Lady-in-Waiting! Does the word “grandiose” mean anything to you? -- does the word “delusion”, “failure-to-acknowledge reality”, “vanity”! (shouting by now) Does the word “Vanity” mean anything to you!

POV BILL. He tries to turn off the radio. He hits the windshield wipers and then the windshield washer, which squirts in his face. Finally he gets the radio off. There is SILENCE. He misses the turnoff for the DAIRYAIRE CRICKET CLUB. He pulls into a dirt road to turn around. He backs up but its too tight. Going forward he confronts a field of cows. The cows stare at him.

What’s that? What’s that noise? It is not fucking turbulence! It’s you! You’re crying. I can hear you. (coaxing ) See. Mrs. Bossy Pussy has gone too far this time. She got her fuzzy wuzzy tail in a big mean rat trap. She’s lost her mittens and scuttled her kittens. She’d better come home and have a nice bowl of frisky-whisky didley mousey mousse for dinner. Would she like that? Mr. Puppy will call the fire department and have them get her out of the tree she’s climbed. All those big strong men will put their ladders up her tree and step by step slowly they’ll climb .... What?

BILL backs up and gets back on the road. He pulls into the CRICKET CLUB.

EXT. DAIRYAIRE CRICKET CLUB DAY

POLO PLAYERS and WIVES, DOGS and CHILDREN are milling around amidst HORSES and GROOMS and STABLE PERSONNEL. BILL pulls in the driveway. His door is opened by a VALET who parks his car. His GROOM runs up to him and steers him to his horse. BILL mounts his horse.

Louise, we can’t go on like this. We have children. We have houses and cars and secrets and years. Fifteen years Louise. (explodes) Fine. OK. Fine. Who am I? Who am fucking I? Fine. Great! See you in court! (hangs up) Shit!

POV BILL who looks up to see the POLO TEAM waiting for him. A BUTLER with a silver tray stands by his horse. He puts the phone on the silver tray and spurs his horse. As one, the TEAM wheels around and gallops to the playing field.

EXT. POLO FIELD DAY

CLOSE SHOT of Bill swinging a polo mallet as he gallops to the ball. The polo game is in full swing. The horses charge furiously about. There is a terrible clash and CHET BRAE falls off his horse.

FEATURING MEDICS in white coats rushing on to the field with a stretcher. CHET is a tangled mess. They move him onto the stretcher.

MONTAGE of Polo Game. BILL scores again and again. He is the hero of the team. He scores the final goal. A CHEER goes up from the GENTEEL CROWD.

POV BILL surrounded by congratulating CLUB MEMBERS. He sees an opening in the crowd and beyond that a TRAIL leading into the woods. He turns his horse suddenly and gallops towards the trees.

FEATURING BILL crashing through the woods on his horse. Branches catch at him.

EXT. CLEARING IN THE WOODS DAY

He comes to a clearing with a pong. He jumps off his horse, wades into the water and splashes water on his face. While splashing he notices his wedding ring. The sun glints on the gold ring.

EXT. ADJACENT CLEARING IN THE WOODS DAY

CLOSE SHOT of binoculars being brought up to a FACE.

BINOCULAR SHOT of BILL by the pond. He tears off his wedding ring in a rage and flings it into the pond. The BINOCULARS follow the RING. The RING lands on a lily pad. A CROW swoops down from a tree and snatches the ring in his beak and flies back up to his nest, dropping the ring in the nest. The BINOCULARS move back to BILL who slumps against a tree and starts to cry.

CLOSE SHOT of BINOCULARS being brought down from the face.

PULL AWAY to reveal BLANCHE GANTRY, 44, a beautiful, commanding woman, dressed as the Goddess Diana, seated under a tree on a gilt throne. At her feet two hound dogs are stretched out. An ARMY OF ASSISTANTS surround her. They create a Renaissance “Plenty of the Forest” still life with slaughtered deer, rabbits and pheasants, peacocks, swans, mushrooms, apples, pumpkins and chrysanthemums. In the BACKGROUND is the BRAE HOUSE, a stone mansion of ‘Edith Wharton’ scale, with rolling lawns and a forest of chimneys.

Standing next to BLANCHE is KURT BAUMTAN, 43, a handsome domineering, Austrian-American gay man, who is chief assistant to BLANCHE. He leans in to her in his Hapsburg Court manner.

kurt

Blanche... what is it?

blanche

I need quiet.

KURT snaps his fingers in an extremely aggressive manner in all directions for absolute quiet. ALL ASSISTANTS, even the dogs, obey meekly. SILENCE. BLANCHE brings the binoculars up to her face again.

EXT. BILL’S CLEARING DAY

BINOCULAR SHOT of BILL sitting on the ground under the tree with his head in his hands. He looks up as though hearing someone approach.

FULL SHOT of CLEARING (binocular framing disappears). MEDICS enter carrying CHET BRAE on the stretcher, followed by ARCHIE BRAE, Chet’s father, 79, SEVERAL GUESTS and a GROOM. CHET gestures wildly from his stretcher to BILL.

chet

Bill! Bill! Fabulous game old man. Really top drawer! (he pauses to spit up some blood) You remember my father, Archie Brae.

bill

Hi Mr. Brae

archie brae

Young Bill, young strapper, egad, here you are. We’ve been looking all over for you, boy. Come on up to the house for a martini, or a goddamned Chardonnay or a Frosty Sissy Wimpy or whatever it is you young people drink nowadays. In my day we drank Canadian Club and lots of it. Can’t get Chet to touch the stuff. Puts him out like a light. Part of his problem, if you ask me.

FULL SHOT of clearing. ARCHIE gestures dramatically to the house and mimes that they will now go there. MEDICS pick up the stretcher, BILL mounts his horse and they all set off to the house.

EXT. BLANCHE’S CLEARING DAY

FULL SHOT of BLANCHE bringing the binoculars down from her face. She poses very still. KURT takes the binoculars from her and moves out of the shot. SOUND OF CAMERA CLICKING.

PULL AWAY to reveal WHOLE FOREST SCENE now carefully posed.

PULL AWAY further to reveal famous society photographer ROCKY STABBLITZ, 35, who stands at a tripod, snapping. When the film is done he hurls it to the ground and holds out his hand. His ASSISTANTS instantly reload the camera and retrieve the exposed film. KURT, senses that Blanche wants to go.

kurt

Cut! That’s it. We’re done. Let’s pack up.

ROCKY staggers away from his camera. His ASSISTANTS strike the equipment. KURT organizes the striking of the Forest Scene as BLANCHE jumps into a golf cart and speeds away towards the Brae House.

EXT. BRAE HOUSE FRONT DOOR LATE AFTERNOON

POV BILL AND ENTOURAGE - The carved doors of the Brae House swing open revealing a marble vestibule. The BUTLER ushers them in.

INT. BRAE HOUSE LATE AFTERNOON

POV BILL - Another set of doors swing open. CHARLOTTE BRAE, the hostess, advances. She is 75ish, dignified, charming - one of the great beauties of her day. Behind her a BLACK TIE COCKTAIL PARTY is in full swing. A STRING ORCHESTRA plays waltzes. Tables of food and drink are manned by WAITERS in white coats and white gloves. Carved ice swans adorn the tables. CHARLOTTE, seeing BILL applauds gently.

charlotte

Our champion! Bill .. Charlotte Brae. We’ve met before I think.

bill

We have met. It’s really nice to see you again, Mrs. Brae. Thanks for having me.

charlotte

The pleasure is mine. Come let me introduce you. Actually this is a fund raiser for the local high school - football uniforms and band instruments - but you must ignore all that. You know Blanche Gantry of course.

A GROUP OF GUESTS parts at their advance to reveal BLANCHE in a black velvet gown with a plunging back. The food tables and ice sculptures frame her.

bill

Uh, no. How do you do, Ms. Gantry. Bill Rutledge.

blanche

Bill Rutledge? Charmed. You must call me Blanche from now on. And you must let me take your arm and stroll with you on the terrace in the twilight because you see, I’ve just been through the most appalling divorce and my heart is heavy -- like pine boughs in winter weighed with soggy snow that, snapping on the cold blue mornings when we get the maple syrup for our Chestnut Berry Blini, remind us how suddenly happiness can be shattered.

PULL AWAY slowly as BLANCHE takes BILL by the arm and strolls with him through the ELEGANT CROWD.

FADE OUT.

EXT. THE IDOL’S MASK DAWN

CRUNCH OF TRUCK WHEELS ON SNOW - Truck headlights emerge out of the blackness. The lights pick up the entry gate with the name THE IDOL’S MASK , carved in jade and set on a sheet of copper. GONG. The GUARD emerges from the gatehouse and turns on the entry lights. The truck, a FEDERAL EXPRESS delivery truck, pulls up to the window. The DRIVER gets out and opens the back of the truck. The GUARD helps him. Together they pour hundreds of Overnight Delivery packages into a box.

guard

(Maine accent)

Aiup. You can take the girl out of the office but you can’t take the office out of the girl.

driver

No siree. Whadda they do here? Get their girlish figures back, is that it?

guard

Fat chance of that. Father Time drives a hard bargain. You got to get up pretty early in the morning to steal a march on Him.

VOICE OF TRAINER, PHILLYIS is heard approaching “Right. Left. Right. Left.” along with SOUNDS OF MARCHING. A group of TWENTY FEMALE EXECUTIVES in jogging suits comes up the road all striding in unison. When they see the FEDEX deliveries they break up and gather around the box chattering excitedly.

phillyis

March up to the mail trough you fat cows. Keep those feet moving. Right.. left...right...left.

THE LADIES keep stepping as they search through the mail.

louise

This is for me, this, this, no, no, no, Ah here it is. Is it? Yes! Yes!

samantha

Divorce papers! Darling, I love mornings here. Eggless, flourless, dairyless, sugarless, husbandless.

FEATURING the SUN just rising, sending rays through the snowbound forest.

samantha

Look Lulu, the sun just appeared over the horizon as you opened your papers. That’s a good omen. That means your divorce is going to be a smashing success.

FEATURING one of the joggers, JOYCE TWEAK, 33. She turns her head sharply at the word “divorce”. She subtly positions herself to be closer to LOUISE.

INT. THE IDOL’S MASK - GYM DAY

LOUISE is on the exercise bike, talking on her phone, pedaling and flipping through the pages of her divorce papers. When she is through with each page she tosses it away. JOYCE TWEAK is on her back pretending to press weights next to the bike. She grabs each page as it flutters to the floor and reads avidly. SAMANTHA reads a murder mystery and pretends to do sit-ups.

louise

No. No. This is great. 50/50. That’s how I want it. No muss no fuss. Who cares? We split the house, we split the children, we split the cars, we split the costs. He’s moved out of the house into a cottage on the Brae estate. They seem to have taken him up. The house is almost sold. I’m living in the company apartment in the city. Could you hold for one second? Medina? Has Len Schlonger returned my call? Damn! You know to put the call through to me here? Ok, OK. I know you know what you’re doing. Sorry. (presses button on phone) Touchy, touchy. Trent? So I just sign this last page and fax it to you and voila! You should have that in ten minutes. You’re a darling. Bye.

LOUISE jumps off the bike, clutching the last page. She take barely two steps when the trainer, PHILLYIS, stops her.

phillyis

No way Rutledge. You’ve got another 8 minutes and I’m adding six more for bad behavior. (punches buttons on the bike computer) Get that cellulite-piñata butt of yours back on that bike.

louise

But I have to finalize my divorce.

phillyis

Your divorce can wait. Your thighs can’t. Look sharp. (to Joyce Tweak) Tweak! What are you doing down there? Pickin’ fleas out of your twat? Bike number two and step on it. (staring down at Samantha) Toff I think you need some help down there. I’m gonna hold these sweet little ankles of yours for just a spell. (she kneels down and grabs Samantha by the ankles) Now what do we say ladies?

louise, samantha, joyce

Thank you Phillyis.

phillyis

Call me Phil. (shouting to the whole room) Remember ladies, this is The Idol’s Mask where Beauty is Our Duty!

INT. IDOL’S MASK LOUNGE DAY

JOYCE sneaks into the lounge and unplugs the fax machine which sits on a table. The plug is plainly visible under the table. A BELL SOUNDS. SOUNDS OF LADIES grateful that grueling morning exercise is over. LOUISE runs in and puts her paper into the fax machine and enters the number. She waits impatiently for it to start up. She shakes it and pushes all the buttons. A fellow EXERCISER joins her.

louise

Shit! Why doesn’t this thing work just when I need it.

exerciser

Let me see. I can usually get them started.

Soon a CROWD gathers around the fax machine. They try every button. They turn it upside down, change the paper, everything but check the plug.

FEATURING a couch where JOYCE calmly sips a glass of water. LOUISE gives up on the machine and sinks onto the couch next to JOYCE.

louise

I’ll just have to walk up to the lodge and do it there. I’m so bushed.

joyce

(Texas accent)

My name’s Tweak. Joyce Tweak, Attorney at Law.

louise

Hi Joyce. I’m Louise Rutledge, consultant.

joyce

You are not a consultant. That is my favorite, favorite field. It is such fascinating work. Here, I’ll walk up to the lodge with you. I want to hear all about your work.

EXT. IDOL’S MASK - GROUNDS DAY

LONG SHOT of LOUISE and JOYCE their bodies and breath steaming in the cold air walk to the lodge. In the background the plate glass window of the lounge. As Louise and Joyce wander away talking we see PHILLYIS come into the lounge and plug in the fax machine. The LADIES exclaim over her cleverness.

TWO SHOT of LOUISE and JOYCE, walking.

joyce

Louise, you are divorcing a man. A man is someone who has to be free. You don’t want to burden him with houses and children and cars and all kinds of foolish money. He needs to go free. Scott free. That’s what men need. You are a woman. You are nurturing. Taking care of children, running houses, is nothing for you. You could do it in your sleep -- long as you have the cash flow. But for him, it’s impossible. Ruin his life. So you see, by getting everything, plus custody, plus alimony and child support, you are actually doing him a favor.

louise

But why would I want sole custody of the children? He’s a wonderful father. He really is.

joyce

I am just sure he is. You chose him. But think of it this way - you want the Upper Hand. If you can have the Upper Hand, why not have it? There is just nothing in the whole wide world like the Upper Hand. Which is my philosophy, by the way. Here’s the thing. You have great taste but the question is, ‘Does he?’ Down the road, you do not know who he is going to take up with. You may need to protect those darling babies of yours from all kinds of evil influence. I have seen horror story after horror story. Never underestimate the capacity of a man to track dirt into the house - to drag trash up out of the gutter and sit it down at the dining table with your bone china and your beautiful children.

louise

The truth is, Joyce, and I know you’re just trying to help, but I know who he’s taken up with. I do have spies you know. (sighs, pauses before breaking the news) He’s been seen with Blanche Gantry on more than one occasion. I hear they’re quite an item.

joyce

(stops dead in her tracks)

Blanche Gantry? The Blanche Gantry? Holy Jehesophat! So now, (pauses to make important decision) I’m going to be real confidential with you Louise. We have not entered, as yet, into any kind of a professional relationship, so I can speak freely. It just so happens that I handled Blanche Gantry’s divorce. I certainly did. I am the number one divorce lawyeress in the whole country. And I’ll tell you something, the ink is barely dry on those papers. Now, I don’t want to cast aspersions and this is strictly hearsay, but.... we just do not know what goes on over there. What with the cows and the chickens and all those assistants living right there on the property, and that chief assistant, what’s his name, Kurt Tanbottom - he is fierce, let me tell you - you do not want your children exposed to that kind of thing, not for even one day. I mean, salmonella would be just the beginning. I’m not sayin’ one word about Blanche Gantry. She is a lady if ever there was one. But she is running a multi-million dollar business over there. Multi million. That place is like a empire and she is the empress. You’re gonna have producers, agents, critics, and every other low type under the sun crawling all over your children.

louise

Are you serious? My god, I never even thought...

joyce

That is why I’m here, today, of all the days in your life. I have turned up at the perfect moment to say “Louise Rutledge, there’s just a few things I want you to think about before you throw your future into the nearest fax machine.”

INT. IDOL’S MASK DINING ROOM DAY

The dining room is a Zen garden. At the far end of the room is a Buddha on an altar piled with offerings and incense. LOUISE and JOYCE sit on pillows before salads and goblets of Pellegrino. ASIAN WAITERS hover nearby.

JOYCE

No, Louise, honey, you have done the right thing telling me about this Len Schlonger angle.

louise

I’m so silly about these things. I don’t want to jinx it. I hate bragging of any kind, if you could call it that. But you should have seen the look on his face. You would just have died. I have this feeling about him. Once he gets hooked into a deal he plays it through to the end. That’s how he got to where he is today. People don’t just turn up at the top for no reason.

joyce

Exactly. Remember what I was saying about the Upper Hand? This is the same thing.

louise

Right. I mean, I just feel like I’m keeping up my end of the deal. I think he values that in his cheap, twisted way. I’m losing weight and getting a divorce. If that’s not pushing the envelope, I don’t know what is.

joyce

No. There are two reasons why this is crucial. Number one, and at this point I can’t really talk freely since we have now entered into a .. you know .. relationship, BUT - I will just say that, of his four wives, figure out the odds of at least one of those divorces being handled by guess who? What I mean is, number one, you need to command his respect. And when he finds out, which he will, believe me, that you got a wimpy, 50/50, ‘nolo contendere’ divorce, it’s gonna lower you in his eyes. Number two, since he actually said to you, on a business weekend/outing-type situation “Get a divorce”, you can expense the whole thing.

louise

You mean I can put your fees on my corporate expense reports and get reimbursed? Do people do that?

joyce

All of the time. You have no idea. You know what let’s do? Lets take that last page you been clutching all day and burn it up at that zen-shinto-hoodoo-buddha altar they got over there. How about it?

CLOSE SHOT of LOUISE and JOYCE before the altar, the incense burner flames flickering on their faces. They hug then drop the last page of Louise’s divorce papers into the flames. The flames shoot up. LOUISE startled, jumps back. OVER LOUISE’S SHOULDER off to the side behind a pillar CHING, 39, a sinister ninja-type Asian-American gangster posing as a waiter, turns a knob that causes the flames to jump.

PULL AWAY to show LOUISE and JOYCE calmly watching the flames. A GONG sounds. LOUISE looks at her watch.

louise

Oh my God, we’re late for Interpretive Dance. So you’ll have those papers sent to my office by next week? How are you going to handle the custody thing?

joyce

Let me ask you something. Has he ever been alone with the children?

louise

Of course he’s their father.

joyce

Then we got him on child abuse. No problem. I’ll set up a photographer over at his cottage and maybe one at the Gantry place just to cover our bases.

louise

Child abuse, that sounds awful somehow. He would never do that. Would the children have to testify? I don’t want them dragged into this.

joyce

Relax. We’ve got tot wranglers. They are professionals and they handle the whole thing. Children will testify to anything in court. That’s why we love ‘em so much. As for fathers, they all do it in their hearts. Why not charge ‘em with it? In time, they get over it and the jail time just flies by. You leave all of those silly little details to me. You’ve got bigger fish to fry. I have to go back to town now. I just can’t afford to be here as much as I need it. You better go, got to keep those pounds coming off for you know who.

louise

(leaving)

Thanks so much, Joyce. I feel that you’re saving my life.

LOUISE kisses her then leaves. JOYCE walks calmly to the pillar where she has what appears to be a casual encounter with CHING.

joyce

Brilliant as always Ching. Your timing is impeccable.

ching

Thank you Joyce. A word please. (he takes out a small ledger) We have done very well this month. Maybe one of our biggest month ever. Maybe better not to push luck. Maybe we let this one go. Confucius say “Throw fish back when boat full.” (then very shrewd) You sure she got the money?

joyce

All these babes got “the money”. You can’t have a carrot ginseng frappe here without dropping a thousand bucks. But this one has more than “the money”. She’s the triple yellow star special deluxe with fries on the side. She manufactures fortunes cookies in her milk ducts. Give her tits a squeeze, you can hear ‘em crunch.

ching

Something not quite right. I don’t like. Her karma very big. Danger. We must walk like cat on snow-covered porch. Shake paw after each step. We could get burned. Come to my cottage after sunset and we will make careful plan. Where does she live?

joyce

You’re not going to believe this. Dairyaire.

ching

Ah.. so.. Our dear, old friend Judge Pickets will be only too grateful to do us such a small favor.

Smoke drifts up from the altar.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. GANTRY HOUSE KITCHEN/STUDIO NIGHT

Flames. A flaming plum pudding garnished with holly.

PULL AWAY to BLANCHE holding the edges of a platter, displaying a plum pudding and, next to it, a bûche de noël. At the table are ten SMARTLY DRESSED DINNER PARTY GUESTS with party hats and favors. They exclaim over the desserts and hold up their empty plates. In the background a Christmas tree with real candles on it glitters in the soft light.

blanche (TO CAMERA)

With our traditional plum pudding ‘flambe’ and our bûche de noël with its chocolate leaves and its little meringue mushrooms we wish you all the Very Best of Holidays.

voice of director

Cut. Great. Lets clean this up.

PULL AWAY to reveal FULL TELEVISION CREW. Fluorescent lights come on. The PARTY GUESTS drop their characters and look around expectantly. KURT swoops down on them, snatching their party hats. MAKE UP AND HAIR STAFF descend on BLANCHE.

kurt

Thank you ladies and gentlemen. That will be all for today. Be sure to sign those releases on your way to the dressing rooms and PLEASE do not take any of these clothes with you. Every single item has been carefully inventoried and we have a triple check system. So don’t even think about it.

FEATURING CHUCK, 35, a handsome extra, who starts to play keep-away with KURT. He won’t let KURT get his party hat. KURT tries to snatch it back. CHUCK laughs and teases him. KURT gets rather excited and gives CHUCK a burning look then follows him around the studio.

ANGLE ON the DIRECTOR who approaches BLANCHE, who is still being made up.

director

Actually, Blanche, we’re done. There’s nothing else on my list, unless you have something in mind...

blanche

Oh. I thought.... right.. we taped that already didn’t we. No. We’re done. I’m all dressed up with no place to go.

An ASSISTANT darts in with a telephone.

assistant

Blanche, I have a call for you on two. It’s Bill Rutledge.

blanche

Kurt! I need quiet.

KURT gives up on CHUCK and does his fierce finger snapping thing to establish silence. EVERYONE IN THE ROOM stops talking and stands motionless. BLANCHE takes the phone and pushes the extension.

Blanche

Bill? It’s been a long time darling. Yes I know its been hard for you. Poor lamb. The divorce papers came through today? But that’s wonderful news. Of course you’re jazzed. That’s what jazz is all about. No, not at all. In fact, I’m sitting here all alone feeling kind of glum. The whole day has been like that, cold and quiet and empty. Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse...

CHUCK comes up behind KURT and pinches him. KURT turns sharply and glares at him, miming snapping a whip at him. CHUCK barely suppresses his laughter.

blanchE (con’t)

I’ve just come in from the hen house. The days are brief. The animals cry out for the light. How can they know that soon it will return? They can’t. They fear the worst. You are? Why don’t you come over here. I’ll fix us something to eat. It’s no trouble. 7:30? Good. See you soon then. Bye.

BLANCHE hands the phone to ASSISTANT. The room is silent. EVERYONE stares at her.

blanche

What can I do? I have no privacy. In fact... (gets a scheming look) ‘The Intimate Dinner’. Maybe we could get some footage of this. Do we still have those hidden cameras set up?

MONTAGE TO MUSIC:

INT. GANTRY HOUSE KITCHEN/STUDIO NIGHT

KURT, CREW, and DIRECTOR adjusting hidden cameras in kitchen. BLANCHE dictates menu to KITCHEN ASSISTANTS.

EXT. GANTRY HOUSE NIGHT

CREW running lines out to a trailer, hiding the trailer with potted Christmas trees.

INT. TELEVISION TRAILER NIGHT

DIRECTOR and CREW punching up cameras on monitors. Views of the kitchen, the dining room, the living room fill the trailer.

INT. GANTRY HOUSE KITCHEN NIGHT

ASSISTANTS whipping up the dinner. They put live lobsters into a pot and decorate cakes, put champagne on ice.

INT. GANTRY HOUSE HALLWAY NIGHT

BLANCHE comes down the stairs in a long black gown with a spiral of gold taffeta ruffles, dressy jewelry, long black gloves, etc. KURT awaits her at the bottom of the stairs with a serious expression on his face.

KUrt

Blanche, are you sure about this? I thought you had a crush on this guy.

blanche

Kurt, I gave Bill his chance. He didn’t make a move. He’s all wrapped up with that wife of his. Besides I’m old enough to be his... older sister. Every dog has her day, Kurt, and then that dog has to get busy making TV shows or there won’t be any Gravy Train --there won’t be any Kibbles and Bits to nibble on in the Old Doggie Home.

kurt

My intuition tells me that tonight is the night. I’m never wrong about things like this.

MOVING SHOT - BLANCHE talks as she walks briskly into the kitchen/studio. Kurt follows her.

blanche

You’ve been wrong plenty often and I want this on tape. I need it. What I really want is to push it to a New Year’s theme. That way I can use it for the millennium show. Yes! When everybody else is having costume balls I’ll be doing “2000 for Two” -- the blissfully married couple looks forward calmly to the next 2000 years. It’s just what the baby boomers need. It will be daring, spare, minimal yet opulent, post-modern, a sort of performance art of the dining room. I could win a ..whatever it is that performance artist’s win... probably not much is there? Oh quick, we should change the bûche de noël...cut it up and refrost it and make it into a .. a Stonehenge.

INT. GANTRY HOUSE KITCHEN/STUDIO NIGHT

BLANCHE rushes over to the cooking area and pounces on the bûche de noël. KITCHEN ASSISTANTS jump to realize her vision. While she gets creative with the cake, MAKE-UP and HAIR STAFF swoop in on her for final touches.

blanche

We can use the same chocolate leaves scattered about like a violent storm has just torn the place up and the meringue mushrooms in a pile here, like they were hallucinogenic mushrooms used in some sort of bizarre ritual with human sacrifice and ... then of course we would need a blood-stained altar... made of fudge and strawberry coulis.. and a pack of gingerbread wolves prowling in the distance. Lets get a horizon set up here. Now, with the powdered sugar sifter we can make long shadows suggesting that the sun is just rising on a new era or setting on an old one, however you want to see it. And the candles can be the sun. We need the moon too and all the planets. OK -- so here’s what we do. The cake will be in a separate room and will take up the entire room....

BLANCHE flies around opening doors to rooms to find the perfect room for the cake. When she opens the office door KURT rushes her, pushes her into the room, enters it himself.

INT. GANTRY HOUSE OFFICE NIGHT

KURT with his back to the door, blocks BLANCHE’S way and closes the door firmly behind him.

blanche

Kurt, what are you doing? Let me out. We have 20 minutes, if that.

kurt

No. Blanche Gantry you sit down and listen to me.

blanche

(indignant, scornful)

Don’t you ever take that tone with me Kurt Baumtan. One more word and I’ll have you out of here so fast it’ll make your head spin.

kurt

What? Let’s get something straight, Missy. I’ve masterminded half of what goes on around here. At least half. And believe me I know where the bodies are buried. So don’t you pull your Ming Dynasty Empress razorblade-fingernail thing on me. I know I’m just a eunuch in the Forbidden City, and for all that times have changed, they haven’t changed that much. Me and my kind are still working on upholstery, hair, make-up, wardrobe, weddings and wigs. We’re still assistants to the big girls. Women think they have problems with the glass ceiling. We have the Glass Slipper Ceiling -- whenever we’re about to get ahead the Ugly Step Sisters come clamping down on us.

blanche

Are you calling me an Ugly Step Sister -- you leather basted, peroxide frosted, sag-bellied. viper-tongued, bitter, lonely old queen?

kurt

I’m calling you to order, you power-mad pastry-bag, you buttercream buccaneer. Sit down and shut up. Because guess what? This is it. Bill Rutledge is it. He’s The Consort. He IS Prince Charming. Blanche. (suddenly earnest) You lost your husband to your career. Now you are a huge success. You’ve made millions, billions actually. You’re a household word. You’re perfect.. except you’ve failed in the one thing, the byword, the chant, the mantra that woman of your time have yearned to fullfil -- you don’t “have it all”. With Bill Rutledge you would “have it all” -- the career, the children, the husband, the house, the garden, the pets, the figure, the money, the beauty, the clothes. Suddenly, out of nowhere, totally unexpected, not 10 minutes ago the biggest opportunity that’s knocked on your door in the last 10 years arrived. Knocking. Knocking. And you’re treating it like a pizza delivery. And its more than an opportunity. Much, much more than that. You are a human being. You need a man in your life. You need that Blanche. You need love. There is no Cosmic Law against you having love in your life.

At the words “Cosmic Law” a RESONANT CHORD OF CELESTIAL MUSIC is heard. BLANCHE and KURT stare at each other in silence for a second.

kurt

Bill Rutledge is one in a million. He’s fine. He’s gorgeous. He’s real. He’s deeply kind and hard-working and generous and smart. And furthermore ... he’s STRAIGHT! I want you to go out there and send everyone home. Get rid of those lobsters. Get rid of this dress. Get rid of this make-up. This is Dairyaire, Connecticut, not Zanzibar. I want the red turtleneck, the plaid skirt, the penny loafers, the tuna casserole, the chocolate brownies and the cup of Sanka. We are going to observe the time-honored rituals of Dairyaire, brought over on the Mayflower, handed down mother to daughter, generation to generation -- by-the-book - what to wear - what to serve - what to say -- to snatch a husband from the jaws of divorce.

blanche

I love you Kurt. Can you ever forgive me? Of course. Of course. I, Blanche Gantry will “have it all”.

FANTASY:

BLANCHE sees herself as the centerpiece of a Tibetan Tonka. She sits cross-legged on a gilt lotus. She has six arms. Behind her painted clouds and sky and a halo of bubbles, in each bubble an image - Bill, children, house, food, clothes, Blanche working, paycheck, Blanche and Bill entwined in bed, etc.

EXT. GANTRY HOUSE - FRONT DOOR NIGHT

OVER THE SHOULDER of BILL ringing the doorbell of Blanche’s house. DOORBELL. The door opens and BLANCHE stands there with a potholder in her hand, a red cashmere turtleneck with a little circle pin, a plaid skirt, penny loafers and bobby socks. Several DOGS bark and frolic about her then seeing BILL they jump up on him, kissing him.

blanche

Bill. Oh Bill. Its so good to see you. Nipper! Sara Lee! Down!

She pulls off the dogs, embraces him warmly and leads him into the house. As she closes the door -

bill

I didn’t know you had dogs.

INT. GANTRY HOUSE DINING ROOM NIGHT

In candlelight BLANCHE helps BILL to more tuna casserole.

bill

This is so delicious. Tuna casserole. Wow. I have to admit I was kind of afraid you would serve some gnarly thing ... like live octopus bisque or something.

blanche

I will never serve anything ‘gnarly’ to you as long as I live.

bill

That’s really cool Blanche. Awesome. Anyway, as I was saying, things are going really well at my job. It is so cool. I just closed a very big deal and it looks like I may be moving to a corner office soon. I can’t believe how quickly things can change.

blanche

That’s great! The last time we talked things were sounding kind of grim at your job. And the divorce papers are signed, sealed and delivered?

bill

I wouldn’t go that far. No. I mean, you know.. I signed the papers and faxed them to Trent, our lawyer, and he said as soon as he gets Louise’s fax, which should be any minute he’ll set up a routine court date and bingo. The thing is, it’s done, basically. The whole thing seemed so impossible to me. But now it’s routine, a date, a handshake and we can get on with out lives. I feel a certain amount of closure.

blanche

With divorce one usually wants than a ‘certain amount’ of closure. I’m glad the two of you have been so reasonable. It so often is not the case. And your house...?

bill

On the market. I’ve been living at the Brae’s estate. They have this great cottage in the woods. They’ve been so nice to me. Couldn’t be more perfect. I should have you over.

blanche

I’d love to see your cottage in the woods.

FEATURING a plate of chocolate brownies. They each have one on a plate. BLANCHE has picked at hers but BILL is obviously enjoying his. BLANCHE gets up.

blanche

Would you like a cup of Sanka?

bill

Sanka? Wow I didn’t even know they still made that.

blanche

Sometimes the original is simply the best.

bill

You know something? I would love a cup of Sanka. Sanka is jazzy. I used to drink it in High School. Wow. That really takes me back. Like a divorce takes you back. Like you feel so jazzy like you just got out of High School or you got picked for the basketball team or something. Divorce sanka.. sanka divorce.

INT. GANTRY HOUSE KITCHEN/STUDIO NIGHT

BLANCHE and BILL dancing. They do an interpretive dance together with their cups of sanka to SANKA MUSIC.

INT. GANTRY HOUSE LIVING ROOM NIGHT

TWO SHOT of BLANCHE and BILL sitting on the couch watching TV. A fire blazes on the hearth. “Bewitched” is on. BILL quietly puts his arm around her. They kiss.

INT. GANTRY HOUSE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY NIGHT

CLOSE SHOT of BLANCHE leading the way to the bedroom. She has a colonial type candle holder with a lighted candle. She holds BILL by the hand.

INT. GANTRY HOUSE BLANCHE’S BEDROOM NIGHT

A canopy bed with white muslin dust ruffles and an antique quilt - the covers have been turned down - BILL has stripped and BLANCHE has donned a frilly nightgown. As they get into bed BILL discovers a chocolate mint on his pillow. As he pulls up her nightgown up and enters her they pop their chocolates into each others mouths.

CLOSE SHOT of dogs, NIPPER and SARA LEE lying at the foot of the bed. The bed is moving and creaking. SOUNDS OF LOVEMAKING. The dogs lift their heads and HOWL.

FADE OUT.

EXT. BRAE ESTATE DAY FEBRUARY THIRD

BIRDS EYE SHOT of the Brae House on a rainy day. The camera soars over the house and gardens, down a small road, to a cottage nestled in the woods.

EXT. BILL’S COTTAGE DAY

FEATURING the cottage, set in the woods, secluded, beautifully landscaped. It is raining, the trees are bare. The front door opens and BILL stands there in wet jogging clothes, holding a mug of coffee, toweling off. In the foreground CHARLOTTE BRAE appears, shrouded in raingear, carrying an umbrella and a basket full of twigs. She pauses to consider BILL. He sees her and waves, gesturing that she should come in.

PAN AWAY to reveal SINISTER PHOTOGRAPHER in the trees focusing a telephoto lens on Bill and Charlotte. He slips behind a tree.

INT. BILL’S COTTAGE DAY

A fire is burning in the spacious kitchen/living room. CHARLOTTE huddles near the fire with a mug of coffee. BILL puts English muffins into the toaster.

charlotte

I want you all to come up for dinner next Sunday. Will you have the children next week too? Where are they?

bill

Mrs. Mangiano just took them to the Y for their Saturday swim thing. Yeah. I have them now. You want a muffin? Blanche’s homemade English.

charlotte

No thank you dear. I’ve had my little breakfast. You seem to always have the children. Don’t you have to pass them back and forth like everyone else?

bill

I got a letter from Louise about three - four weeks ago, just after New Years, I guess. She said she was going to be so busy that could I take the kids for the next two months and something about how nice it would be for me to have time alone with them. It has been nice. You know you get into a kind of competition thing. Like you’re struggling for their approval. It’s weird. When I was a kid I had to struggle for my parents’ approval. They didn’t have to struggle for mine. I was a captive audience. I worshipped them. Parents were God. Nowadays, kids play their parents against each other like White House consultants, the lust for Mortal Kombat and Barbie’s Dream House glittering in the beady little eyes. And now that Blanche is in the picture, the sky’s the limit.

charlotte

So Blanche is definitely in the picture?

bill

Yeah. In the picture. In the big picture? I don’t know.

charlotte

And you don’t think about Louise?

bill

Of course I think about Louise. I think about her all the time.

charlotte

Why would she want a divorce? I don’t get it. I guess I’m just an old lady. In my day, divorces were for alcoholics and actresses.. and, of course, the tragically mismatched.

bill

(bitterly)

I just wish the whole thing would be settled. I need to get on with my life. The signed papers never seem to arrive in the mail. Between work and Blanche and the kids I’ve been too busy to make a single phone call. Maybe its just the holidays.

charlotte

(dreamy)

You can’t imagine what Christmas in Dairyaire used to be like. Of course, people knew each other then. They did things together. We used to have such parties; dinners for 200, 50 people for the weekend, and actual balls with orchids and tails and white gloves and symphony orchestras. These days the only parties I give are fund-raisers. I charter buses and planes and bring remarkable people in from all over the world. But I couldn’t tell you who lives next door. I think they only use the house once a year for a cocktail party. Most of the guests arrive in helicopters. Its a twenty-five bedroom house and they use it one week a year. I did, once, try to get them to come to a party for the Metropolitan Opera. You’ve never seen such a blank look in all your life. It was as if they’d never even heard of such a thing as the opera. I don’t know who they are.

bill

I know what you’re saying. Louise and I never really had any friends here. How would we meet them? You know, there were some parents with kids the same age, and some real estate people but it wasn’t enough to hang a friendship on. Maybe that’s why its so easy to get a divorce. There’s just the two of you cooped up with the kids and the TV. Once the kids are growing and the house is decorated there’s nothing much left to do.

charlotte

Your toast is burning and I must get going. So you’ll bring the children up for Sunday dinner next week?

BILL runs to get the toast. He butters it while CHARLOTTE gets her coat on. She opens the door and looks at the rain and then down at her basket which is sitting on the stoop. Inside, under the twigs is a plastic bag.

bill (off screen)

Next week.... next week. Yes.. but Charlotte.. maybe its time that.... I mean ... I don’t know how to say this...

Charlotte

I forgot the whole reason I came here - to give you your mail.

CLOSE SHOT of the basket. CHARLOTTE struggles with the twigs and the plastic bag.

charlotte

Something arrived special delivery. Yes, invite Blanche. She is divine. I’ll have to warn the cook though. These damn plastic bags.

FULL SHOT of CHARLOTTE pulling a legal sized envelope, very thick from the plastic bag. She waves it in the air.

charlotte

It’s terribly heavy. I can’t think how I forgot it.

ANGLE ON kitchen island as Charlotte slaps the envelope down and turns leaving the shot. BILL enters the shot, glances at the envelope and is about to follow CHARLOTTE to see her out but something catches his eye. He rips open the envelope.

FEATURING CHARLOTTE bent over pulling her goulashes on over her shoes.

charlotte

Why I can’t run a simple errand without stopping to pick up twigs and pine cones and little rocks is one of the great mysteries of my life. What will I do with them? But they’re so beautiful the way they twist and the flash of their colors. I never tire...

A LOUD MOAN is heard, then a HEAVY POUNDING. CHARLOTTE, startled, confused, stands up looking around.

FULL SHOT of BILL who has lost control. He staggers around hitting walls very hard and is sobbing and choking and then roaring like a madman at the same time. He finds the back door which opens into the woods, somehow gets the door open and staggers out into the rain, throwing back his head and roaring.

CLOSE SHOT of CHARLOTTE who suddenly regains her composure. She picks up the document which BILL has hurled to the floor and scanning it briefly she drops it suddenly like a poisonous plant. She fumbles for the telephone and quickly dials.

charlotte

Archie. Thank God you’re there. Come quickly to the cottage. It’s our Bill. It’s.. what you said last night- “there’s no such thing as an amicable divorce. If it’s not ugly now, it will be soon.” (Bill yells, she starts to cry) It just got ugly.

PAN AWAY from house. SOUND of BILL’S SCREAMS get fainter. THE SINISTER PHOTOGRAPHER comes into the shot, whispering into a cellular telephone.

INT. GANTRY HOUSE DAY

FEATURING BLANCHE sitting on the couch flanked by ARCHIE and CHARLOTTE. BLANCHE is sobbing into a handkerchief. KURT paces in the background with a clipboard.

charlotte

You mustn’t take on so Blanche dear. He’s going to be fine.

blanche

I know.. but

The door from the studio bursts open and a CHEF ASSISTANT runs in with flour covered hands and a pastry bag.

chef

Blanche, did you want the rosewater buttercream or the lemon curd in the Millennium Cake?

blanche

Le ... le.... lemon curd.

The CHEF ASSISTANT flies out of the room as the door opens a glimpse of the studio is seen. It is packed with ASSISTANTS and TV CREWS, arguing, pacing, looking at their watches.

archie

Dr. Feinlab is the very best man in the field Blanche. You can rest assured.

kurt

(whispers to Blanche)

We need you in the studio.

PULL AWAY to reveal the living room. MRS. MANGIANO paces anxiously in the vestibule. TIMMY and SALLY are in an alcove watching television with blank stares. In the background is a broad curving staircase. SOUND OF DOOR CLOSING upstairs. DR. FEINLAB appears descending the stairs. BLANCHE runs to talk to him.

blanche

Oh Dr. Feinlab, how is he?

dr. feinlab

I’ve given him a mild sedative. He’s going to be fine. He’s a very strong young man. He’s just had a terrible shock that’s all. He should be up in about two hours and I think you should have a lively dinner and plan your strategies. Comfort him and talk about solutions. Don’t let him drift in a fog. Bring him right into the action. He’ll be fine.

archie

That’s capital, Feinlab. You’re the man who knows. Well Charlotte, we’re off. Another fund-raiser. What is it this time, my pet.

charlotte

Maintenance and repair of the interstate highways -- it’s terribly important or we wouldn’t go. Blanche are you sure you can manage?

blanche

I’ll be fine. I have a staff. But Bill, how can he be fine ......? When I get my hands on that Tweak...

mrs. mangiano

Child abuse! How coulda Mrs. Rutledge think sucha thing? And you see how he still has feelings fora her? He crack likea terra cotta when he see thata she be so cruel to him. He still lova her.

blanche

That will do, Mrs. Manicotti. I think you should take the children back to Bill’s cottage.

mrs. mangiano

Non e possibile. I have other job. I tolla you. Nowa you have to take care of them.

kurt

Blanche, I have Rufus Lootschnauzer from “Wall Street Panic” waiting in the studio. I know this is important but you cannot keep these people waiting. You have to come now.

ARCHIE and CHARLOTTE slip out the door, looking back anxiously.

blanche

(pulling herself together)

I’m coming. You know what I’m thinking. We don’t need you Kurt. I can handle this interview. You take the children to your house. I’m sure you have things to do there. In two hours, I’ll be done and Bill will be up and we’ll take over. (super sweet) Sally... Timmy... you’re going to go with Uncle Kurt for lunch. You remember I showed you his house? It’s right here on the compound, between the hen house and the potting shed. He’ll make you delicious sandwiches and you can watch movies on his big screen and when you get back we’ll have a fitting for your cubscout and brownie uniforms which I’ve made from scratch and we can talk all about the big new adventures awaiting you in the Scouting Movement. How does that sound? It looks like it’s clearing up too. So we’ll go for a walk later and look for crocuses and birds nests and beaver lodges. OK?

INT. KURT’S BUNGALOW DAY

The walls of Kurt’s bungalow are painted black. It is decorated with Erte sculptures, zebra rugs, smoked mirrors, panther lamps, leather sofas and the biggest TV screen imaginable. TIMMY and SALLY loll on the couch. Fiesta Ware plates with sandwiches and potato chips sit on the fish tank coffee table which is lit ethereally from underneath. The children stare down at the fish then up at the screen, munching and flipping through the channels.

sally

This is cool.

timmy

Way cool.

sally

Brownies. Yuck.

timmy

There’s like no way I’m going to be a cub. Like I’m not some like baby bear. Like that is so gnarly.

sally

Like brownies are these like chocolate things you like eat. I’m not going to BE like some skanky brownie. Blanche is scary.

timmy

Way scary.

KURT bustles into the room. He has gardening gloves and clippers and a leather jacket on.

kurt

Are we happy? Uncle Kurt is going outside for a little while to straighten up the garden. The sun is out but I won’t bore you with that. You practice your couch potato slouch and go into sugar shock and Daddy will be here before you know it. If you need me, I’m right outside.

EXT. KURT’S BUNGALOW DAY

KURT putters about in his little garden. Blanche’s big house is visible in the background. A car pulls up and CHUCK, the extra, gets out. He also has a leather jacket. KURT puts down his clippers and saunters over to meet him.

kurt

Chuck. What brings you out here today?

chuck

I forget my gloves. I thought I’d drop by and say hello. How’s things?

kurt

Things are looking up. (about to take Chuck into his house he remembers the children) Would you like to see the cows?

INT. KURT’S BUNGALOW DAY

TIMMY holds the remote up to the TV and clicks. “Gladiators on Parade” fills the screen. The kids look at each other.

Timmy and sally

Gladiators! Yes!

INT. KURT’S BUNGALOW - BEDROOM DAY

TIMMY and SALLY peer through the darkness furtively. SALLY picks up a Spanish fan from a table. TIMMY opens a closet.

CLOSE SHOT of TIMMY. His eyes widen.

timmy

Awesome.

POV TIMMY showing the closet which has a full set of S&M sex toys; paddles, harnesses, leather masks, dildoes, whips, chains etc.

INT. GANTRY HOUSE - BEDROOM DAY

BLANCHE opens the curtains and the winter sunlight streams in. The dogs settle in the sun. BILL is sitting up, looking dazed.

bill

Where are the kids?

blanche

They’re with Kurt. Everything is fine. Relax. I’ve just spoken to my lawyer. We’re going to get you through this without a scratch. I know Tweak. I know how she operates. That gives us a tactical advantage. First thing we have to do is get you away from those children. You must never been seen alone with them. Why even as we speak she probably has photographers....

bill

Oh my God.... we better get over there.

BILL jumps out of bed and pulls on his pants, swearing and tripping in his rush. Blanche dials Kurt’s house on her phone. The PHONE RINGS and RINGS. No answer.

blanche

Come on. Kurt.... pick up the phone.... Where are you?

EXT. KURT’S BUNGALOW DAY

WIDE SHOT. BILL and BLANCHE run from the main house. From the other direction KURT and CHUCK are just emerging from the bushes, oblivious. The front door opens and TIMMY and SALLY run out yelling, fully decked in the S&M gear, brandishing whips.

SLOW MOTION -- KURT turns his head and sees the situation. His expression turns to horror. From behind a tree THE SINISTER PHOTOGRAPHER emerges, his camera snapping. BILL descends on the kids and yanks the whip from Sally’s hand. Terrified, the CHILDREN wail and scream. BLANCHE screams and heads for PHOTOGRAPHER.

FREEZE FRAME of snapshot - BILL with the whip overhead as though he were beating the children - TIMMY and SALLY cowering in tears.

SUCCESSION of horribly incriminating snapshots involving BILL, KURT, CHUCK, TIMMY, SALLY as if they were part of some child porno violence ring.

BLANCHE wrestles with PHOTOGRAPHER. He kicks her away. GETAWAY car pulls up and door opens. KURT and CHUCK hurl themselves at PHOTOGRAPHER. There is an ACTION-PACKED FIGHT. The driver of the car is CHING in a Ninja outfit. He jumps out and does a fancy Kung Fu number. BILL, who has some kung fu runs at him. Wild fight. The camera gets tossed around. BLANCHE catches it and starts to run. JOYCE TWEAK jumps out of the car with a gun. She fires the gun at the ground near Blanche’s feet. Everybody stops fighting. Joyce slowly advances on Blanche and reaches out for the camera.

joyce

Stand real still Gantry. That’s right. I’ll take that camera. Thank you ma’m. Now you all back up real slow with your hands in the air. That’s nice. Ching, you ready?

CHING and the PHOTOGRAPHER have slipped into the car. JOYCE backs into the front seat, the gun trained on BLANCHE. As the car speeds away, JOYCE leans out of the window.

joyce

See you’all in court. (demonic laugh)

INT. GRAND CENTRAL STATION THAT NIGHT

CLOSE SHOT of LOUISE, dressed for dinner, starting down one of the ramps that leads down into the Central Concourse. LOUISE has opened her purse and removed a compact and is applying last minute lipstick as she heads down the ramp. A STRANGER jostles her. She drops the lipstick. It rolls down the ramp. She runs after it. Rounding the corner into the main room she runs smack into SEAN O’REILLY, a kindly old man of 83, who is being filmed by a TV CREW and interviewed by HEM FOO LI, anchorwoman.

FULL SHOT of SEAN wincing at the bright lights.

sean

There! Look out, young lady. What’s that? Your lipstick? No need to fear. There’s another great fact of Grand Central Station. A barrel rolled down any of the these ramps will come to a stop directly in front of the ticket windows. It’s part of the crowd management design. Innovative stuff in those days. Still is!

CLOSE SHOT of lipstick coming to an exact stop in front of a Ticket Window. LOUISE gratefully retrieves her lipstick.

louise

(holds up the lipstick, showing the color)

“Jungle Red” - I’d be lost without it.

FULL SHOT of HEM FOO, holding a microphone, speaking to the cameras.

hem foo

This is Hem Foo Li reporting from Grand Central Station. We’re talking to Sean O’Reilly on his 83rd birthday. Mr. O’Reilly has a very special past. He was born right here in Grand Central Station on February 3, 1913 the day Grand Central first opened its doors to the public. His mother, an Irish immigrant washerwoman, collapsed from exhaustion on her way home from work and gave birth right here under the Golden Clock. Mr. O’Reilly has worked in many different capacities in the station all his life. We’re going to follow him now to the celebrated Oyster Bar where every year on his birthday, and Grand Central’s birthday, he’s treated to a free dinner.

INT. OYSTER BAR NIGHT

FEATURING JOYCE TWEAK sitting at a table, a manila envelope in her lap. LOUISE bustles up to the table. She kisses JOYCE and settles into her seat. In the background SEAN O’REILLY has been seated, surrounded by the CAMERA CREW. WAITERS hover over his table. SEAN beams.

louise

Hi Joyce. I was so excited about your message. What’s the big news?

joyce

Louise, darling, I have photographs that will make our work such a piece of cake. We got them this afternoon. I had them developed on the spot. So set yourself down and have a clam.

louise

Photos? You’ll have to remind me first why we need photos at all. I’m new to this divorce business. Oh, wait ‘till I tell you - look, the old man over there - this is so incredible....

FEATURING SEAN with HEM FOO bending over the table as he picks up his first oyster.

HEM foo

Tell us, Mr. O’Reilly, about the ghost of Commodore Vanderbilt.

sean

(gulps down an oyster)

Well now... as you know “Commodore” Vanderbilt put up the original Grand Central. The Grand Central Depot he called it and it was grand indeed -- one of those great glass domes right out of Queen Victoria’s England. Well, the night he died, January fourth, 1877, at eighty-two years of age, in his mansion on Fifth Avenue, a snow storm had started to fall. He died before sunset but the snow continued all night and all through the next day and the next and it was to be an historic blizzard and before it ended, on the third day, the great glass roof of The Grand Central Depot came crashing down.

FEATURING LOUISE and JOYCE as they put their wine glasses down at the same moment. They smile at each other.

POV LOUISE. As LOUISE is telling the story about SEAN her eyes focus at the table beyond SEAN’S. LEN SCHLONGER and STICK, the supermodel, are having dinner.

louise

Mmmm good wine. So he says “A barrel rolled down any of these ramps will....

CLOSE SHOT of LOUISE’S face. She gets a determined look and starts getting up.

louise

Hold that thought Joyce. I’ll be right back

ANGLE ON LEN and STICK as LOUISE is coming up to their table.

len

I don’t understand why I have to buy you the most expensive thing on the menu and then you don’t even touch it.

stick

(Australian accent)

You spind money. I waste it. (confidentially) It’s the only way I can have an orgasm.

LOUISE arrives. LEN jumps to his feet, embarrassed.

len

Louise! You look great. I’ve been dying to see you. You’ve lost weight.

STICK lets out a derisive laugh at the concept of Louise having lost weight.

louise

Len. Hi. I wanted to come over and say hello. Who’s your friend?

len

I’m sorry. This is Stick, the supermodel. Perhaps you’ve heard of her. She’s modeling for an add campaign for Cyberschlong. Stick, Louise Rutledge, consultant. Louise, Stick.

louise

How do you do, Stick?

STICK yawns and puts a ball of cotton in her mouth, looking coldly at LOUISE.

len

How have you been?

louise

My divorce should be final in exactly one month. We have to talk, Len.

len

Yeah, well, that would be great. Let’s have lunch tomorrow. I’ll call you to confirm first thing in the morning.

FEATURING LOUISE maneuvering back to her table, squeezing behind chairs, apologizing.

CLOSE SHOT of SEAN as he pops another oyster into his mouth. WEIRD MUSIC. His eyes widen.

POV SEAN. MIST fills the Oyster Bar. Out of the mist, advancing towards SEAN is THE GHOST OF COMMODORE VANDERBILT. He bears down on SEAN staring at him intently.

FEATURING SEAN starting to choke on the oyster and point at the ghost. HEM FOO and TV CREW stand paralyzed staring at him. He is choking to death. He staggers to his feet. LOUISE, who happens to be just passing by, rushes into the shot. She grabs him and gives him the Heimlich Maneuver. The oyster pops from his throat --

FEATURING HEM FOO LI - the oyster lands in her hairdo. She screams and tries to get it out. Behind her THE GHOST shakes his head and slowly retreats back into the mists. THE TV CREW also backs away.

CLOSE SHOT of SEAN slumping back in LOUISE’S arms.

INT. GRAND CENTRAL GRAND CONCOURSE NIGHT

The station is almost empty. LOUISE walks SEAN slowly over to the Golden Clock.

sean

I thought I was a goner for sure. I thought the old Commodore himself was acome for me. But you saved me Louise.

louise

It was nothing. You’d do the same for me.

sean

You see that ceiling Louise? It was painted in gold on cerulean blue tempera. Cerulean, now there’s a word you don’t hear nowadays. Do you? Look up there. It shows the meeting of the ecliptic equator and the celestial equator at the vernal equinox. Do you understand that?

louise

Nope.

SEAN looks up at the ceiling and points.

sean

As the earth moves around the sun each year it creates a circle called the ecliptic.

FULL SCREEN ANIMATED IMAGE of the earth, drawn in the style of the Grand Central ceiling, with a golden line being drawn around it, etc., illustrating the Ecliptic and the Celestial Equator.

vo sean (con’t)

Then, if you take the earth’s equator and draw another circle just like it at the outer edge of the atmosphere you get what they used to call the celestial equator. Now these two imaginary circles meet in two places at two different times. Once in the fall and once in the spring exactly at the equinox.

CLOSE SHOT of SEAN, leaning against the Information Booth. He fixes LOUISE in a strange look.

sean

Before those circles come around to a second Spring you’ll be needing my help, Louise Rutledge. You know where to find me. Sean O’Reilly of Grand Central Station.

INT. OYSTER BAR NIGHT

The restaurant has emptied. LOUISE and JOYCE sit over their coffee. The WAITER brings the check. JOYCE lets LOUISE pick up the check.

louise

Only in New York, huh? Wow. OK let’s see here. (gets out credit card) Oh! The photos. We forgot.

joyce

I didn’t forget. Wait ‘til you see this.

LOUISE hands the tray with her credit card to the WAITER, then opens the envelope and pulls out a photo.

FULL SCREEN IMAGE of photograph depicting BILL with a whip raised in the air looking like he is about to strike SALLY who wears a leather and chain bodice and is being held by the arms by CHUCK in his leather outfit, while KURT wrestles on the ground with TIMMY.

FEATURING a WORLDLY WAITER, clearing the table. He catches sight of the photograph and raises his eyebrows.

worldly waiter

Oh my! If you’re looking for someone to sell these for you, look no further.

CLOSE SHOT of horrified look on LOUISE’S face. A STAB of SINISTER MUSIC.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. GANTRY HOUSE BEDROOM DAY

CLOSE SHOT of a string bodice being laced very tight.

PULL AWAY to reveal SALLY holding on to the poster of the bed while BLANCHE tightens the corset of a Southern Belle party dress.

sally

Ouch! Blanche stop. It’s too tight. It hurts.

blanche

It hurts to be beautiful, Sally. Didn’t your mother ever tell you that?

sally

I won’t be able to eat with this so tight.

blanche

Girls don’t eat darling. They cook, but they don’t eat. You get used to it.

BILL comes in, dressed in his best suit. He picks up SALLY and whirls her around.

bill

Wow. You look so sexy. I could eat you up. Just like this.

He clasps her to him pretending to eat her neck. SALLY squeals with delight. TIMMY, all dressed up too, bounds into the room with the DOGS barking at his heels. BILL grabs him too and eats his neck. He giggles and pushes BILL away.

CLOSE SHOT of VIDEO CAMERA hidden in ivy at window silently withdrawing.

EXT. GANTRY HOUSE DAY

A stretch limousine stands in front of the house. ROCKY STABBLITZ chats up the CHAUFFEUR. BLANCHE, BILL, TIMMY AND SALLY come out of the house and mill around.

blanche

Timmy, Sally, I want you to meet Rocky Stabblitz, the famous photographer. Can you shake hands with him? He’s going to be taking some pictures of us today at the art museum. Then we’ll have some nice pictures of just the four of us.

timmy

So you can use them in court?

blanche

Now Timmy, we’re not going to talk about that. OK. Let’s all get in and off we go.

BILL hesitates before getting into the limo. He steps away and wanders around.

bill

You know Blanche, I’m getting a little sick of this limo thing. Can’t we just take the train like normal people?

blanche

Fine. Whatever you like. (to chauffeur) Chippy take us to the Dairyaire station please. (under her breath) Of course we’ve probably missed the train. We’ll have to wait for an hour. If we’d planned it... you know how little time I have.

bill

I know the train schedule Blanche. I know all the train times. We’re fine.

BILL gets in the limo.

INT. LIMOUSINE DAY

ROCKY leans across to BLANCHE and says quietly.

rocky

Actually train is good. Normal. Train -- museum. Good.

blanche

You’re so brilliant Rocky. Why didn’t I think of that? The train. Why it’s perfect. We can do a whole set-up with other normal families grouped around us. I wonder what they’ll be wearing? Lots of plaids and checks and parkas with little furry hoods...

EXT. LEXINGTON AVENUE, MID FIFTIES DAY

LOUISE emerges from her apartment building. She bristles with angry energy. JOYCE TWEAK and MARSHALL emerge from limousine parked nearby. Brisk hand shaking and introductions. They move to get into the limousine.

CLOSE SHOT of car doors slamming. Limousine pulls away from curb.

INT. METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART DAY

BILL stares mutely at an Egyptian Mummy. He seems depressed. In background BLANCHE, TIMMY, SALLY and ROCKY fool around posing for imaginary pictures in front of the statues.

EXT. METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART DAY

BLANCHE, ROCKEY, TIMMY, SALLY and BILL emerge from the front doors and stand at the top of the great staircase. ROCKEY snaps pictures of them as a happy family group.

FEATURING limousine pulling up to the bottom of the steps. The DRIVER gets out opens the door. LOUISE steps out. MARSHALL gets out of the other side of the car and follows LOUISE at a distance. He carries a large envelope.

FEATURING TIMMY and SALLY. They happen to look down the stairs at the same and they see LOUISE.

timmy and sally

Mommy!

POV BILL - The children break away and race down the stairs. They fly into LOUISE’S arms. She kisses them, barely able to hold back her tears. She straightens up and looks at BILL. She moves toward him.

FULL SHOT of BILL and LOUISE coming together, she from below, he from above on the grand staircase. MUSIC SWELLS as they move towards each other. They seem isolated in a world of their own, about to come together again as though nothing has happened.

CLOSE SHOT of LOUISE, her mouth quivers as she fights with her emotions. She seems about to say something when THE MARSHALL from behind her hands the envelope to BILL.

voice of marshall

In the name of the State of Connecticut I do hereby remand and take custody of the children Timothy and Sally Rutledge that they should live with their natural mother until such time as their place of residence shall be determined in a court of law.

bill

(covers his ears)

Just take them. I don’t want to hear any more. I don’t want to read any more. Just do what you’re going to do. Just do it! It makes no sense. It makes no sense.

BILL buries his face in his hands and weeps.

FEATURING TIMMY and SALLY being bundled into the limousine with JOYCE. The CHILDREN crane their necks to see BILL as BLANCHE and BILL and ROCKEY get into a taxi.

PANORAMIC SHOT of the Museum as the cab and the limousine pull away from the curb and enter the traffic.

INT. JOYCE TWEAK’S APARTMENT DAY A WEEK LATER

Joyce’s sumptuous apartment is decorated with a Texas theme. JOYCE is sipping white wine and dancing with a CHIPPENDALES RENT-A-MAN. They fall back onto the couch making out heavily.

EXT. MIDTOWN NEW YORK CITY DAY

LOUISE walks out of the building on 6th Avenue and marches purposefully across town. She thinks to herself.

vo (echo) louise (con’t)

I’m just going to go over there. This has got to end. I’m just going to go over there and tell her “this has got to end.” Period.

LOUISE stops at a hot dog vendor. She gets a hot dog with the works and wolfs it down, slopping mustard on her coat which she absentmindedly cleans up with the tiny soiled napkin.

vo (echo) louise (con’t)

How could I have forced the children to change schools? They’re terrified and disoriented. And for what? For some photograph?

A little farther across town LOUISE steps into a Korean Deli. She buys a shrink-wrapped chocolate brownie, a Mars Bar and a half pound of carob clusters. She struggles to get the shrink wrap off the brownie as she leaves the store. She walks down the street eating.

vo louise (con’t)

How can I be sure those pictures are real? Who took them? They can do anything now with computers. Who would trust a photograph more than a husband?

LOUISE now stops at a street vendor and buys a bag of roasted chestnuts and a giant pretzel.

vo louise (con’t)

I know Bill. He just is not capable of such things.

LOUISE drops into a Pizza Parlor and buys a slice. She quickly eats the slice as she heads for Joyce’s apartment.

vo louise

The whole abuse thing was always a ruse. But now she’s got me half believing it. What is she up to? Who is this woman?

INT. JOYCE TWEAK’S APARTMENT LOBBY DAY

LOUISE marches into the lobby and addresses the doorman. She has a little tomato sauce on her chin.

louise

Joyce Tweak. 35A.

INT. JOYCE’S APARTMENT DAY

JOYCE pushes the CHIPPENDALES GUY out the front door. She fixes her hair and opens the door to a study in which a desk with a computer system is awash in papers, law books, coffee cups. DOORBELL. JOYCE opens the door. LOUISE bristles into the room.

joyce

Louise! I’m so glad you’re here. I’m completely worn out. I’ve been cracking my nut over this since 4 a.m. Sit down. Coffee? What can I do for you?

louise

Joyce, I’m not..

joyce

Oh, honey, you’ve got something dripping down your chin. Here let me get that.

LOUISE, embarrassed, feels her chin while JOYCE dabs at the tomato sauce with a paper towel.

joyce

There, that’s better. Have you seen the papers? Your husband is everywhere with that Blanche Gantry. They are stuck together like glue. And don’t tell anyone, but I’ve heard, on very good authority, that he has proposed to her. (Louise utters a cry) No doubt about it. There’s pictures of them at Tiffany’s picking out silver patterns. Look at this!

FULL SCREEN IMAGE of newspaper shot of BLANCHE and BILL at what looks like Tiffany’s.

VO JOYCE

You’d think he could wait for the divorce to come through. I also have evidence that within one year your husband is going to be earning at least four hundred thousand dollars.

LOUISE isn’t listening. She slumps onto a couch staring at the photo.

vo joyce

That, combined with Blanche’s money which we now have enough evidence to cite as pertinent to the case is going to look like a mighty fine check in the mail to you each month. You won’t need old Len Schlonger the way things are shaping up right here to home. So now. To what do I owe this kind visit?

louise

(shaken)

He’s going to marry Blanche? (pulling herself together) Oh.. The children... are you sure that I can’t at least send someone to pick up their things? The expense of buying all new clothes for them, putting them in a new school is incredible. I’ve had to put the whole thing on credit cards. I’ve charged over thirty thousand dollars in six days. You really think my job is going to pay for this? Besides, the kids are so sad. It breaks my heart. (she starts to cry quietly)

joyce

Honeychild. Babychild. Don’t you cry, honeybaby. Mama’s gonna fix everything up for you. If you’re scared about the money I’ll tell you what -- worse case scenario, I’ll waive my fee. I’ll have the contract redrawn and send it to you next week. What? I’m not doing this for the money. I have plenty of money. I’m doing this because this is the cause I have dedicated my life to - giving to women the power and independence that is theirs by right and that has been stolen from them by the System.

louise

The system! Right. I forgot about the system. I have a lot to learn. You’re so amazing Joyce. My God. To live a life of dedication like you do is so .... inspiring. How could I have doubted you?

joyce

Of course you doubted me. You have to doubt. Keep on doubting. Doubt! Doubt! Come to me and we’ll wrangle out every tiny point. That’s what this process is all about. That’s what makes it so nurturing. Give us a hug. (they hug and cry) That’s better. Now, the children. It’s time for them to have a little visit with Dr. Coffers. He’ll be needing to prep them before the actual court date which, by the way has come through. May 10. You see how soon it will all be over?

INT. JOYCE’S APARTMENT THAT SAME NIGHT

CHING paces looking at the view. JOYCE comes in with some coffee.

joyce

You’ve spoken to Judge Pickets?

ching

Judge Pickets has been dealt with in usual manner. Have you made the arrangement with Dr. Coffers?

joyce

Coffers is ready. But Ching, I am seriously worried. She’s slipping. I barely saved the situation today.

ching

Flaming bird lands upon river of ice. Arrow falls from sky but does not pierce pigskin. Bird sees in dark. What she sees will cause brooding hen to kill her. Nothing furthers. Proper way would be for burning wood to be under flaming bird. That way goose is cooked and rising smoke obscures view.

joyce

In other words we’ve got to get her into Len Schlonger’s bed.

ching

Precisely. Schlonger will awaken lust within her. The burning lust will cause her to lose all good judgment and she will thirst after our designs.

joyce

But how? We got nothin’ on him. We can’t make him pick up the phone and call her. We are powerful Ching, but not that powerful.

ching

Correction, Grasshopper. We are that powerful. Schlonger is besotted with Stick, supermodel. Nature abhors vacuum. Remove Stick and hand will move to phone.

joyce

Remove Stick? Just exactly how are we going to do that?

ching

Supermodel very thin. Not natural be so thin. Supermodel must find connection to substance in order to maintain thin. (he sniffs like he’s taking cocaine) Unsavory connection. Very little work will enable us to persuade Miss Stick that trip to South America will be most profitable to her health. Also, timing is very good, Grasshopper. Mrs. Rutledge now desperate and lonely. She will forget caution and will throw herself into bed of Schlonger thereby losing all chance of a future union. As soon as she has quenched her lust she will realize that she has lost him - and her husband - forever and will hunger all the more for divorces and alimony checks. All things come to those who wait.

INT. KENNEDY AIRPORT, NEW YORK NIGHT

A deserted gate with a lone FLIGHT ATTENDANT waiting by the boarding door. On the board is announced “Lan Chile Flight 334 TOCOPILLA”. REVERSE ANGLE - STICK runs through the nearly deserted airport. She’s a mess. She hails the FLIGHT ATTENDANT.

stick

Is this the floight to Tocopilla? It hasn’t lift yet, has it? I must be on it. I must. I must.

INT. LEN SCHLONGER’S NEW YORK APARTMENT NIGHT

OVER THE SHOULDER SHOT OF LEN, who sits in front of the TV watching COPS gun down SUSPECTS and cars crash into each other. Slowly, without him looking at it, his hand moves to the telephone and dials.

INT. LEN’S BEDROOM NIGHT

TWO SHOT of LOUISE and LEN. His shirt is off. She reaches down and unzips his fly. He rips off her blouse. She grabs his head and gives him a long kiss. He runs his fingers over her breasts.

FEATURING rain pounding against the windows.

ANGLE ON LOUISE who falls backwards onto the bed with LEN on to of her. She reaches down with her hand to grab his cock.

TWO SHOT. LEN and LOUISE standing on either side of the bed frantically taking the rest of their clothes off - undoing buttons, pulling off stockings and socks etc.

CLOSE SHOT of LEN’S rump as he pumps LOUISE.

INT. GANTRY STUDIO/KITCHEN DAY

BLANCHE is kneading dough. BILL sits at the kitchen table looking worried and reading the notice of the court date.

blanche

May 10th. Judge Pickets. Hmm. All that talk with your lawyer is useless. Pickets will rule against us. Joyce has some kind of hold over him. I wonder what it is? Don’t worry. He won’t send you to jail. They want you in that office every day earning, earning, earning. You can be sure of that. No jail, big checks. That’s their method. Everybody has a method. We just have to understand it then disrupt it. But how? How?

bill

Look Blanche, I don’t want any funny business involved in this. I’m preparing my brief with my lawyer. You keep out of it. (his voice rising in anger) OK? Are we clear on that?

BLANCHE puts the dough up to rise and progresses to another counter area where she pipes flowers onto a cake with a pastry bag. She swallows her angry response and stays calm.

blanche

Have you planted a photographer at The Meridian on 61st Street -- with special attention to the comings and goings of billionaire industrialist playboy Len Schlonger?

bill

What the hell has Len Schlonger got to do with my divorce?

blanche

Len Schlonger is fucking your wife and everybody knows it.

BILL reacts as if punched in the stomach. He vomits into the sink.

bill

People feel things. Men feel things. I feel things Blanche. Sometimes I wonder. Do you? What if I were to say... remove the middle layer of this cake... just yank it out... what would happen?

FEATURING BILL removing the middle layer of the cake. The cake is seriously damaged. The top layer is broken. Frosting and filling are smeared over the counter.

bill

A mess would happen.. But we can’t have a mess. Oh no. (imitating her) Let’s see, we’ll take our frosting knife and plaster it up. But aw.. look! The proportions are all wrong.

BILL searches the counter tops for cake decoration items. He stabs them onto the cake.

We could try flowers and a Greek temple and birds and dolphins and bears. There, how’s that? Oh no! The short little stumpy, sawed-off, diminished, reduced, depressed, overwhelmed, unable-to-cope cake with its heart cut out doesn’t look so good. (yelling) It doesn’t look so good! Does it? Does it? Answer me, Blanche! Tell me what to do!

BLANCHE finds it hard to cry. She sort of chokes and shudders and picks up the ripped-out middle layer.

blanche

(crying)

It’s true. I wanted to hurt you. Don’t you see? I want you to open your eyes. She’s moved on. She’s gone. I don’t want to be filler in your life. I want you to really look at me and say that. that you love me.

BILL stares at her helplessly. Slowly he takes her in his arms.

INT. DR. COFFERS OFFICE - HALLWAY OUTSIDE DAY

POV LOUISE and CHILDREN outside the door reading the sign - DR. ABSALOM COFFERS, CHILD PSYCHOLOGY. The door opens suddenly and WANDA BUDGE, the nurse stands there glowering at them.

wanda

Mrs. Rutledge I presume. The children will be ready in two hours. Be sure you have your checkbook. Come along children, the doctor will see you now.

INT. VILLABANK BILL’S CUBICLE SAME NIGHT

Bill pulls reports from his printer. MARY SERALLIO comes to the door.

mary

Bill. Excellent job on the Monthly Book. I wonder if you have some time tonight to go over the Vexron deal. I’d like to include you on that team. I don’t know if you have plans. We were going to order dinner in.

bill

No. No plans. I’d love to be involved with that Mary. In fact, I’ve been doing some research on Vexron on my own which you might find interesting. I’ll be right in. I just have to make one call.

mary

Take your time. We’ll meet in fifteen minutes in my office.

INT. DR. COFFERS OFFICE - HALLWAY NIGHT

WANDA opens the door to let the CHILDREN through. SALLY resists.

sally

Mommy, why do we have to go to the doctor? I don’t want to go!

wanda

(ultra sweet)

Look Sally! Look at all the nice games we have here. Won’t we have fun.

WANDA opens the door wider to reveal a playroom full of toys and video games.

timmy

Awesome!

INT. VILLABANK BILL’S CUBICLE NIGHT

BILL leans back in his chair talking on the phone.

bill

Yeah. You got pictures of them? Jesus. What a slut. I never would have guessed. What about witnesses? Who are Madge and Mickey? Oh, the couple from the ranch in the Rockies. Yeah. Sure. Let’s fly ‘em in. (angry) No. I don’t want to hear about this Judge Pickets thing. I just don’t buy it. You can’t bribe a judge in this country. Especially in Dairyaire. I just don’t believe that kind of thing goes on. I believe in the American Justice System. OK? Call me corny! So let’s drop it and just “be prepared” like the boy scouts we really are.

INT. DR. COFFERS OFFICE - HALLWAY NIGHT

LOUISE grabs WANDA by the shoulder and stops her.

louise

Wait. I’m not sure I want to go through with this. Two hours? That cuts into my evening plans. Maybe we should reschedule. Beside, I would like to meet this Dr. Coffers.

wanda

There’s a nine hundred dollar cancellation fee.

INT. DR. COFFERS PLAYROOM NIGHT

FEATURING CHILDREN staring around them. Behind them WANDA closes the door gently pushing LOUISE away. She locks the door. She goes to a cabinet by the door and gets out a tray with hypodermics on it. A BURLY ORDERLY slips into the room from a side door. SOUND OF VIDEO GAMES.

POV WANDA - and ORDERLY hold up needles and advance menacingly on the children who are playing video games. On the far wall is an opening above which is a clock. The hour hand of the clock begins to tick back and forth like a metronome. The curtains part and DR. COFFERS appears. He is tall and mad. He fixes the children in his hypnotic gaze. They stop their games and look up as WANDA and ORDERLY grab them from behind, cover their mouths and stab the needles into their buttocks. MUFFLED SCREAMS OF THE CHILDREN.

INT. BAR IN MID-TOWN MANHATTAN NIGHT

LEN and LOUISE stare at each other and sip cocktails.

louise

Thanks for meeting me. I have to wait around here for two hours. I though it was going to be twenty minutes.

len

Two hours. Come to think of it Louise, why don’t we pop over to my place right now and we can discuss this in bed? Huh? How’s that sound.

INT. DR. COFFERS INNER OFFICE NIGHT

A vast room in which two posts are set up. THE CHILDREN have been stripped and tied to the posts. WANDA and THE ORDERLY menace them with whips and hot pokers. TIMMY and SALLY scream. DR. COFFERS stands before a sci-fi electronics console pushing buttons. He creates a holograph of a WINGED DEMON. It flies up to the ceiling where it hovers roaring and spitting fire.

INT. VILLABANK MARY SERALLIO’S OFFICE NIGHT

BILL, MARY, CHET and PROFESSIONALS sit around a table with Chinese food containers on it. BILL answers a question.

bill

Moo Goo Gai Pan? Yeah. That’s me. Mr. Moo Goo. (he makes a funny face)

INT. DR. COFFERS INNER OFFICE NIGHT

POV TIMMY. The DEMON swoops down from the ceiling. As it approaches its face changes to BILL’S face. It bellows Bill’s words in a terrifying roar.

demon

I could eat you up! I could eat you up!

The DEMON charges TIMMY and eats at his neck. TIMMY has hysterics. The post he is chained to sparks and smokes as though electrical current were running through it. TIMMY writhes in pain.

INT. LEN SCHLONGER’S BEDROOM NIGHT

LEN and LOUISE grapple with each other in bed.

INT. DR. COFFERS INNER OFFICE NIGHT

THE DEMON attacks SALLY. SCREAMS and MUSIC.

INT. VILLABANK - BILL’S CUBICLE NIGHT

BILL smiles up at MARY SERAGLIO as he snaps shut his briefcase

bill

Great. I’ll have that for tomorrow then.

mary

Great. Safe home.

INT. DR. COFFERS PLAYROOM NIGHT

THE CHILDREN sit in chairs like zombies. DR. COFFERS stands in front of his clock which has stopped ticking.

dr. coffers

When I ring this bell you will forget all about what happened today. You will think warm and loving thoughts about me, your best friend, Dr. Coffers. You will tell your mother that you had a lovely time. You will only remember what you experienced here today when you see this face. (holds up a picture of Bill) Now on the count of three I’m going to ring this bell...

INT. DR. COFFERS OFFICE - HALLWAY NIGHT

LOUISE and LEN stand outside the door. The door opens and WANDA emerges with the CHILDREN. They move quietly to Louise’s side.

louise

Hi kids. How was it? You OK? Was it fun?

timmy

(zombie voice)

Yes, Mother. We had a very good time.

Sally

(zombie voice)

How fun that was. Will we come back soon? I feel so much better.

Wanda

(produces bill)

Here’s your bill Mrs. Rutledge. How will you be paying?

Louise

Three thousand dollars!

Wanda

First visit. Tests. Next time we go to our regular rate. Dr. Coffers says they are very seriously in need of help. Your children are deeply disturbed, Mrs. Rutledge. Now, we have an opening on Tuesday.

EXT. CORNER ON PARK AVENUE, MIDTOWN NIGHT

BILL emerges from the building and walks energetically down the street.

CORNER SHOT with BILL approaching rapidly from the left as LEN, LOUISE, CHILDREN approach from the right. They arrive at the corner at the same moment. BILL and LOUISE see each other first. The children are glazed over and stare out into the traffic.

POV BILL as he sees LEN and gets the situation. LEN quietly puts a hand on LOUISE’S shoulder. LOUISE looks defiant.

louise

Children say hello to your father.

The CHILDREN turn slowly and see BILL. They scream hysterically and point at BILL. LEN and LOUISE restrain them. A SMALL CROWD gathers.

louise

What is it? Timmy? Sally? My babies what’s the matter. What? You can tell Mommy.

SALLY

He touched me in a bad way! He touched me in a bad way!

TIMmy

Get him away from me. He ... made me... I can’t say it. Don’t make me. You can’t make me say what he did to me.

New yorker

Lady, he touched her in a bad way. What do you want? A videotape? Lock him up and throw away the key.

Another new yorker

He’s an altar boy. I heard him say he was an altar boy.

louise

Get away from them. You .... you... disgusting monster.

bill

But Louise, it’s not true. How can you believe this?

The CHILDREN are jumping out of their skins. SCREAMING. SIRENS. PEOPLE are running to see what’s going on.

FEATURING A TAXI smashing into a car whose driver is watching the scene. Several CARS smash into a pileup. HORNS HONKING. Lights flashing.

ANGLE ON LEN, looking right and left. He sneaks away not wanting to be noticed.

sharp new yorker

Hey! Isn’t that that Schlonger guy? Hey you, Schlonger! You some kind of child molester or what?

A GROUP OF BYSTANDERS detaches and follows LEN who starts running. LOUISE notices that he has left. She turns on BILL

louise

Just get away. I never want to see you again. I’ll make you pay for this! You’ll pay! Oh God! (starts sobbing)

POV LOUISE. BILL backs away then starts to run. The street traffic closes behind him and he is gone. The CHILDREN immediately calm down.

hysterical new yorker

He’s a jogger. Look at that. One of them jogger rapists. Rape you right here on Park Avenue. Rape you right in Tiffany’s. Can’t even wait till you get to Central Park!

FADE OUT.

EXT. GANTRY HOUSE DAY IN MARCH

It is a blustery March day. BLANCHE is outside with a team of ASSISTANTS hanging white tablecloths out on lines. In a clearing outside of Kurt’s house a table is set up. KURT oversees the making of votive candles in jelly jars. Vats of wax are melting over fires. Easter eggs are being decorated at another table. BLANCHE wrestles a SHEEP into the center of the shot and starts shearing it.

blanche (to camera)

The best way to make our Easter Bunny is to use freshly sheared sheep fleece. If you don’t keep sheep - and you should think about it if you don’t, because they change everything -

A Frisbee flies through the shot. CHUCK runs after it tripping over the sheep.

voice of director

Cut!

TRACKING SHOT of BLANCHE and KURT briskly walking from station to station in the setup. CHUCK follows them tossing the Frisbee and running after it.

blanche

We’ve got to find out more about Judge Pickets. Where does he live? What are his habits, his routines?

chuck

I might be able to help you. I’m not supposed to tell you this I guess, but I used to work for the CIA.

kurt

You were a spy? I might have known. How Cold War. How Seventies. How thrilling.

EXT. DAIRYAIRE COURTHOUSE DAY

KURT and CHUCK sit in a car staking out the courthouse. A car pulls into the parking lot. JUDGE PICKETS gets out. He is about 68, beaten down, and mean looking but should be played by a much younger actor (because of the physical demands of the part). He enters the building.

kurt

9:01 arrival. Third day running.

chuck

Let’s see what His Honor will have for breakfast today.

CHUCK presses a button on a gadget and listens to the judge’s phone conversation.

voice of judge pickets

Is this Braxtons Coffee Shop? Send me up a black coffee and a cranberry muffin. And step on it. I haven’t got all day.

INT. JUDGE PICKETS’ CHAMBERS DAY

JUDGE PICKETS is on the telephone.

judge pickets

You were late yesterday. Excuse me sir, but I call you every day at 9:05 and you delivery my breakfast between 9:18 and 9:21. Yesterday you arrived at 9:47! It’s that new young whippersnapper delivery boy. His name is Buckey or Huckey. I expect him to be called on the carpet for this. I haven’t missed a day of work in over 30 years and I’ve never been late so I think I know how to tell the time.

EXT. GANTRY GREENHOUSE RAINY DAY IN APRIL

The rain comes down in buckets. The greenhouse is lit up inside and BLANCHE can be seen puttering around. SOUND OF RAIN. RUMBLES OF DISTANT THUNDER.

INT. GANTRY GREENHOUSE DAY

BLANCHE holds up the jar of honey with a black ribbon around the lid. KURT and CHUCK sit nearby and stare at her.

blanche

During World War II, Mother and her friends, Amy Sempleton and Madge Murdock, were convinced that Hitler’s ultimate goal was none other than the rape and pillage of Connecticut - the Sacking of Stamford - the Harrowing of Hartford! They trembled in their beds at night. Their handsome husbands were all away at the war, soon to be slaughtered no doubt, and when the sky filled with bombers dropping those deadly blond paratroopers into Dairyaire it would be too late to ask any questions. There was only one way for a helpless woman to slaughter an invading army. Poison. They discovered honey made by bees living in rhododendron groves was extremely poisonous. And this poison honey had an extra advantage. It took six hours to kill. Enough for a casual getaway. What could be better? What could be simpler? Killer condiments! They all had rhododendrons. They set up hives and harvested the honey. They filled old jelly jars and tied black velvet ribbons around them. They called themselves “The Rhododendron Club”. One Winter it got about that a real German spy was loose in the area. Mother came in from the woods one day to find a strange man looting her cupboards. He pulled out a gun and ordered her, in what sounded like a thick German accent, to make food for him. “Ich muss essen. Ich muss essen!” he cried.

There is a FLASH OF LIGHTNING. A gust of wind blows open the door to the greenhouse which then bangs. KURT and CHUCK grab each other and shiver.

blanche (con’t)

Which is German for “I must eat!” Mother was only too happy to oblige. She made her fabulous Polish Mushroom soup and buttermilk biscuits with honey. Six hours later he died in agony. She buried the body in the woods. My brothers used to tease me about what happened in those six hours. They claimed he was my real father. Boys are so mean.

The sun comes out and filters into the greenhouse. BLANCHE gets up and moves around, pulling on her gardening gloves and fussing with various plants.

blanche (con’t)

Of course, later Mother admitted that she was never really sure that he wasn’t just a tramp with a bad cold. His sneezes sounded like “Ich muss essen.” It 1943. She’d just seen “Watch on the Rhine” with Bette Davis. I guess we’ll never know. Funny thing is, a couple of years ago I decided to harvest rhododendron honey on my own. Well, why not? I thought ‘I’ve mastered the natural world from clambakes to coconuts, from hedges to hushpuppies. Poison is the last frontier’. Little did I know.

KURT and CHUCK exchange looks.

EXT. GANTRY PLACE BEEHIVES DAY

FEATURING BLANCHE in her black beekeeper outfit. She pulls a comb out of a hive. Bees surround her. From a safe distance KURT says -

kurt

Blanche, I think we should keep this pretty hush hush. I don’t want any Lucrezia Borgia lawsuits on my hands. Your critics would have a field day with something like this.

BLANCHE staggers away from the bees and lifts her black chiffon veil. She crushes the honeycomb and the poison honey drips from her gloved hands.

blanche

(suddenly raging)

My critics. My enemies! Why are they so cruel? Bitter, nasty, jealous vipers! That’s what they are. Oh.. they think I don’t notice. They think I don’t care. But I do. Every cutting word, every scornful dismissal cuts into my flesh like .. like... thousands and thousands of bee stings. Cruel words can’t be shrugged off. They erupt in the night. Sleep is gone. Tears do nothing. No stain, even blood, is as hard to remove as the stain of insult. Look what you’re doing to women, they say. Can’t they see that I’m trying to help? I’m giving women the right to create, to design, to invent. I’m giving them back their kingdom - a sadly neglected magic kingdom - the Home. That’s old fashioned, they say. What if it is? What about the poor they say. Well what about them? They have kitchens too. They have gardens too. Even refugee camps have pots of soup. Fires are built. People survive. Only the rich don’t cook. Ha! I’ll show them. I’ll go live in a refugee camp. There’s never a shortage. Pick up a map of the world any day of the year, any single year of the whole of human history and you’ll find plenty of refugee camps. I’ll do a TV special on how to cook, clean, make clothes, decorate and stay alive in a refugee camp. Who knows? We could be next. Don’t count yourself out of the refugee population until you fit snugly into your coffin. When the last day of your life is spent - when the last hour of light has slipped away -- only then can you say whether or not you’ve had enough to eat!

INT. GANTRY HOUSE KITCHEN/STUDIO DAY

BLANCHE opens the oven and takes out a batch of cranberry muffins. The ingredients, including a colander of cranberries and the black ribbon honey are on the counter. KURT and CHUCK eye the muffins horrified.

Blanche

Viola! “Rhododendron Club Cranberry Muffins”. This should please the judge. Symptoms appear promptly six hours after ingestion -- burning in the mouth, increased salivation, vomiting, tearing eyes, prickling skin, slow heartbeat, muscle weakness, paralysis, convulsions, coma and death. Of course, we wouldn’t want Judge Pickets to die. I think I’ve put in just enough to bring on a brush with death. Sadly, we need to test them. We need a guinea pig. Kurt, bring me that temp - Missy or Mousy... you know the one. She’s a little uppity.

INT. GANTRY HOUSE - OFFICES - DAY

MISSY sits at a desk. She is young, prosperous and imperious. She is gazing into a computer screen and typing. KURT comes up to her.

kurt

Missy, could I have a word with you?

MISSY makes a very emphatic shushing sound to indicate that she is “extremely” busy. KURT picks up the telephone on her desk.

missy

Kurt! What did you do? I lost my connection. I was servicing the “Blanche Home Page”. That was a very, very, important customer. Don’t ever pick up the phone when I’m..

kurt

Blanche would like a word with you.

missy

With me? Why didn’t you say so?

INT. DAIRYAIRE MEMORIAL HOSPITAL NIGHT

MISSY lies in a hospital bed with an IV in her arm. A DOCTOR and a NURSE hover over her. She slowly opens her eyes and lifts her head up. BLANCHE and KURT and CHUCK are sitting in the room. When MISSY opens her eyes BLANCHE gives a nod of approval to KURT and CHUCK. The applaud her gently.

INT. BRAXTON’S MUFFIN SHOP MORNING OF MAY 10

JOE BRAXTON stuffs a cranberry muffin into a bag and hands it to BUCKY.

joe

There it is. Don’t dawdle now Bucky. Go straight to the courthouse and don’t talk. All you do all day is talk, talk, talk. Flap, flap, flap - someday it’s gonna ruin you.

EXT. LONELY STRETCH OF ROAD IN DAIRYAIRE MORNING

The Braxton’s truck speeds along the road. BUCKY has the radio on and is singing at the top of his lungs.

CLOSE SHOT in bushes nearby of CHUCK. He holds up a remote detonator and pushes a button.

FEATURING the speeding truck. The rear tire of the truck explodes. BUCKY stops truck and gets out.

bucky

Wow. Jeepers creepers. Wow. Wait till I tell Dad about this. Wow. I almost got killed.

FEATURING CHUCK and KURT emerging from the bushes. KURT is dressed as a tweedy English lady and CHUCK as her gamekeeper. They have six beagles on leashes. They rush up to BUCKY.

kurt

(English accent)

I say, young man, you’ve taken a nasty spill. Good gracious. We heard the most dreadful racket. Then we saw your lorry go out of control. We’re out hunting you know and, well I suppose there’s no one about. Steady there chappy. I say, my man Wilson here is most frightfully clever with these mechanical things, flat tires and all that sort of rot. Why don’t we let him fix this? I insist. You must come sit over here and tell me all about what happened.

bucky

I do feel kinda dizzy. I’ve had a real fright. My Aunt Kay says that you can’t tell for sometimes fifteen or twenty years how a car accident is going to effect you. She told me never, ever to sign any kind of waiver or anything like that.

kurt

A waiver... never....never.... never so much as look at a waiver, of any kind.

bucky

Who’s Laurie?

FEATURING CHUCK fixing the flat quickly while in the background KURT and the BEAGLES settle BUCKY under a tree. KURT opens a basket and pulls out hot coffee and pastry. BUCKY eats and chatters happily. CHUCK removes the explosive device.

CLOSE SHOT of CHUCK reaching into the front seat. He wears plastic gloves, opens the breakfast bag, exchanges the muffin for one he carries in a sterilized container. He replaces the bag and dusts for prints.

FEATURING CHUCK closing the front door of the truck. BUCKY sits in the driver’s seat. CHUCK steps back next to KURT and they wave good-bye and smile. BUCKY starts the engine, waves at them one last time, and speeds off.

INT. JUDGE PICKETS’ CHAMBERS DAY

JUDGE PICKETS is pulling on his robes and chewing out BUCKY. The muffin sits on a plate on a table with the coffee next to it.

judge pickets

See. Look at the time! Now I have to wolf down my muffin. You’ve seen to that. I don’t want to hear your excuses. Never explain. Never apologize. Didn’t your father ever tell you that - if you have a father, which I doubt. The Family has been destroyed in this country and my breakfast along with it.

EXT. DAIRYAIRE COURTHOUSE DAY

FEATURING sign saying “The Dairyaire County Courthouse”. Behind the sign is a spanking white, Greek Revival courthouse.

PULL AWAY to reveal parking lot in front of courthouse. Limousines and cars pull up.

MONTAGE of litigants arriving:

JOYCE, LOUISE, CHING, SALLY, TIMMY, WANDA and DR. COFFERS get out of a limousine. BLANCHE, BILL, KURT, CHUCK, BILL’S LAWYER, MADGE and MICKEY get out of another limousine. ARCHIE, CHARLOTTE, CHET AND CHAUFFEUR get out of a Bentley. MRS. MANGIANO, gets out of a Honda Civic, looking awful, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. A TV truck (DATV) pulls up. TV CREW, staring at the principals, unloading equipment. SIX MORE CARS pull up, screeching to a halt. REPORTERS jump out with cameras and flash attachments. They race towards the courthouse.

FEATURING THE PRINCIPAL CHARACTERS who have formed a line and are marching towards the front steps. Everyone wears dark glasses. BLANCHE, BILL, LOUISE, JOYCE, are all on cellular telephones.

INT. DAIRYAIRE COURTHOUSE DAY

FEATURING the bench from below. JUDGE PICKETS brings down the gavel with a bang. A pitcher of water and a glass are next to the gavel. Behind him, floor to ceiling curtains hang against the wall.

pickets

This court is now in session. Rutledge vs. Rutledge. Councilors will approach the bench.

REVERSE ANGLE of courtroom. JOYCE and BILL’S LAWYER come out from behind their tables and approach the bench.

BLANCHE glances down at her watch and then shoots a worried look to KURT. Behind them the courtroom has filled up with ASSISTANTS, CURIOSITY SEEKERS, BILL’S OFFICE MATES, REPORTERS, etc.

FEATURING the JURY, a perfect sampling of Dairyaire society. They examine the LITIGANTS.

JOYCE turns around and gives a confident smirk to LOUISE. LOUISE is expressionless.

ANGLE ON JUDGE PICKETS who scowls at the lawyers.

pickets

The charges brought in this case are extremely serious. I will not hesitate to invoke frivolity and impose the stiffest, steepest sanction the law allows should I find the evidence... should I...ffff

Before he can say another word he grabs desperately for a glass of water. He drinks the whole pitcher and claws at the inside of his mouth.

CLOSE SHOT of BLANCHE. She thinks to herself..

vo blanche

Burning in the mouth.

JOYCE starts back, appalled. CHING, sits forward slightly, focusing his attention. SERGEANT AT ARMS makes a slight move, wondering.

PICKETS recovers himself for a second, then all the water he just drank streams out of his mouth. He tries to hide it with his handkerchief, then his robe, but it is a flood. The liquid drips off the front of the bench.

vo blanche

Increased salivation.

FULL SHOT of Courtroom. People start looking around as if for help. There is a slight murmur of concern. THE SERGEANT AT ARMS looks confused.

PICKETS recovers again. He sits up straight and clears his throat and seems about to speak. He motions with his head to the two lawyers to come closer. He leans forward. Suddenly his body is ripped out of his chair by a superhuman force as he twists and vomits into the curtains behind his desk. He can’t stop. His body is jerked this way and that by the force of the vomiting. He vomits very close to the Jury Box. JURORS shrink back horrified.

BLANCHE licks her lips, glances at her watch. She gives a thumbs up to KURT and CHUCK.

vo blanche

Vomiting.

JOYCE and BILL’S LAWYER stagger back to get out of the way. They get behind their tables instinctively. BILL can’t believe what he’s seeing. SOME PEOPLE start to stand up. They look over at the SERGEANT who seems paralyzed, wide-eyed.

PICKETS rips down the curtains. They fall with a crash. He staggers forward. He drags the curtains with him and clutches the front of the jury box. He starts crying, dabbing his eyes with the curtain.

pickets

Should I find..... should I ffffff..

vo blanche

Tearing eyes.

PICKETS jerks upright and stops crying. He starts swatting at his arms and legs. He does a mad jig, gasping and itching all over his body.

vo blanche

Prickling skin.

PICKETS suddenly gasps, stops itching and starts to move very heavily in slow motion, dragging his feet, advancing into the room. He reaches beseechingly to the audience.

vo blanche

Slow heartbeat.

PICKETS now has sudden muscle lapses. His leg won’t hold him up, he can’t hold his head up. He props up his various failing parts. He weaves this way and that.

vo blanche

Muscle weakness.

PICKETS suddenly dives into the table in front of JOYCE and goes completely rigid.

vo blanche

Paralysis.

JOYCE shrinks back looking as if she were about to scream. LOUISE has no expression. There is an eerie moment of silence. EVERYBODY leans forward to see what will happen next. Suddenly, PICKETS, with alarming force, flips into convulsions. He falls off the table and jerks on his back in the center of the room. The JURY surges to it’s feet. The SERGEANT AT ARMS springs into action. He places the bible in PICKET’S mouth.

vo blanche

Convulsions.

PICKETS flips around on his back like a fish out of water, with the bible in his mouth, until suddenly, he falls into a coma. The SERGEANT pulls out the bible and wipes it off.

vo blanche

Coma and ...

BLANCHE jumps up. Behind her EVERYONE is standing, watching PICKETS wide-eyed. BLANCHE runs up to him.

blanche

Quick. We must get him to the hospital at once. Sergeant, I assume there is an alternate Judge.

sergeant at arms

Why yes, Ma’am. Judge Horace Oldboy.

blanche

Good. You call the ambulance and the alternate, in that order, and we’ll get him out into the fresh air. And do try to find someone to clean up this mess. (addresses the room) This court will take a fifteen minute recess.

EXT. DAIRYAIRE COURTHOUSE DAY

As the AMBULANCE pulls away a GOLF CART drives up. JUDGE HORACE OLDBOY, a distinguished, 60ish African American, jumps off the cart and, pulling on his robes, runs into the courthouse. He forgets to put down his golf club.

INT. DAIRYAIRE COURTHOUSE DAY

The SERGEANT AT ARMS stands at the door as JUDGE OLDBOY enters. He hands the golf club to the SERGEANT.

SERGEANT AT ARMS

All rise. Judge Horace Oldboy presiding.

DISSOLVE TO:

JUDGE OLDBOY. He gazes at the papers in front of him. He puts them down and looks at the assembled group.

judge oldboy

Having heard and considered all the copious testimony in this case it is the opinion of this court that Louise Rutledge has a perfectly good job and prospects of a very wealthy husband. Why shouldn’t she pay child support? Mr. William Rutledge will retain full custody of the children, Timmy and Sally, in view of the fact that it has been shown that their natural mother, Louise Rutledge has exhibited extremely loose morals. Louise Rutledge wants to work in a man’s world? Let her experience the whole nine yards. The house, the furniture, the cars, the savings all go to William Rutledge. Louise Rutledge will pay alimony and child support of $9000 a month. Failure to pay is subject to immediate seizure of assets and imprisonment or both. Case dismissed.

FEATURING LOUISE and behind her the whole room and all the MAIN CHARACTERS reacting to the verdict. LOUISE gets up slowly without looking right or left, picks up her briefcase, turns and walks out of the room.

REVERSE ANGLE - BILL, TIMMY and SALLY reach out to touch her, but she sees nothing. She keeps going.

FEATURING LOUISE’S back as she keeps walking. As she reaches the door the image around her becomes a MONTAGE:

JOYCE and CHING standing over Judge Picket’s hospital bed shaking him.

BILL and BLANCHE looking grim getting into their limousine with REPORTERS swarming over them flashing cameras

TIMMY and SALLY screaming, getting into ARCHIE and CHARLOTTE’S car.

As LOUISE keeps walking the MONTAGE changes.

BILLS coming from all directions: from TWEEK, TWEEK and WONG a bill for $500,000, from DR. COFFERS a bill for $30,000, from bank NOTICE OF LIEN, DUNNING NOTICE, COURT ORDER OF PAYMENT DUE, SUBPOENA.

INT. HAIGHT, SCRAATCHI AND PHAY - CONFERENCE ROOM DAY

BENITO, BOB and CISSY surround LOUISE yelling at her. LOUISE’S back is the center of the shot.

cissy PHAY

Have you seen the papers? (she holds up the paper) ‘Stick and Schlonger to Wed’.

BOB HAIGHT

You expect us to pay on this expense report? (slams report down on desk) Are you crazy? $800,000? You lost Schlonger. We won’t be needing your services any further. Sorry.

cissy PHAY

Be out of your office in one hour and vacate the company apartment too - by tonight. Sorry, but we have clients coming in who need it.

Benito SCRAATCHI

Stick will be taking over your office. She signed Schlonger so she’ll get your job. Business is business. Sorry.

bOB HAIGHT

We’re downsizing so we won’t be able to come through with any severance pay. Sorry. Your final paycheck is being withheld until we check the last 20 expense reports for overpayments. Sorry.

INT. HAIGHT, SCRAATCHI AND PHAY - HALLWAY DAY

echoing overlapping voices

Stick and Schlonger to wed. Stick and Schlonger to wed. (repeats through scene)

LOUISE’S BACK as she walks down the hall to her office. At her office her things have been thrown into a box and STICK is sitting in her chair talking on the telephone. LEN sits in a chair beaming at her. He gets up when LOUISE enters but she keeps walking right through the window which shatters in a million pieces and out into the skyline of Manhattan. The pieces turn to rain - out of the rain come -

SCENES WITH LOUISE’S BACK IN THE CENTER:

INT. FANCY CORPORATE OFFICE DAY

employer I

I’ll be calling you in two to three days maximum. I’m sure we’ll make an offer.

INT. LESS NICE EMPLOYMENT AGENCY DAY

employer II

There’s a glut of consultants. Don’t you have any other skills? I need you to take a typing test.

INT. COFFEE SHOP DAY

employer III

Sorry, but you’re overqualified for this job.

INT. PRETTY BUT SMALL APARTMENT DAY

landlord

The rent is only $5000, first and last and one month deposit up front.

INT. TINY EAST VILLAGE, ROACH INFESTED, CLOSET DAY

Nose pierced landperson

The rent is only $1200. People are lined up around the block. You want it? I need cash right now.

INT. BANK DAY

teller

It seems you signed papers from Tweak, Tweak and Wong enabling them total access to all your funds should there be a failure to pay. Your accounts have been emptied .

INT. ANOTHER BANK DAY

teller

I’m sorry madam, there’s no way to prevent the State from taking money directly from any type of savings or investment account you keep funds in. Unless you have a Swiss bank account...

EXT. PARK AVENUE IN FRONT OF STRETCH LIMO DAY

SAMANTHA TOFF, in a fur coat, with a pinched smile on her face.

samantha

I have no money. I’d lend you ten thousand if I could, you know that, but my husband keeps me on a very short leash. My clothes cost a fortune. It’s ruinous..

EXT. 42ND STREET NIGHT

LOUISE keeps walking. She is surrounded by headlights on a rainy night highlighting HOMELESS PEOPLE sleeping in doorways surrounded by piles of garbage. Grand Central Station looms ahead of her.

INT. GRAND CENTRAL STATION LATE NIGHT

LOUISE walks up to an ATM machine.

POV LOUISE. She enters a PIN number for a VISA card. “Insufficient Funds” appears on the screen. As MUSIC BUILDS, she tries card after card always getting “Insufficient Funds”. As each card is rejected she hurls it behind her.

LOUISE turns around. Her face is smudged with dirt. Her clothes are rumpled. Her hair matted and greasy. She carries a purse and a laptop. She walks towards the camera.

The CAMERA TRACKS WITH HER as she goes down stairs to the Lower Concourse. She walks out onto the tracks. There is a small opening in a wall. Without looking back, she ducks through the opening and is gone.

FADE OUT.

INT. TAXI ARRIVING AT KENNEDY AIRPORT ONE YEAR LATER

POV MYSTERY PASSENGERS. It is late afternoon on a golden, early September day. Expanses of green trees flash by as the taxi approaches the airport. The International Terminal looms into view. The taxi stops and the taxi driver turns around. It is SHRI BAGA SINGH, an ancient, gap-toothed, Indian. He smiles at the passengers.

shri baga singh

Air Italia.

EXT. KENNEDY AIRPORT INTERNATIONAL DEPARTURES TERMINAL LATE AFTERNOON

PULL AWAY to reveal SHRI BAGA getting out of the taxi. A nun, SISTER MARY MARGARET, 58, gets out of the back. She hurries around to the other door and helps an old man get out. It is SEAN O’REILLY. The NUN gets a PORTER and sees to the luggage and pays the SHRI BAGA.

POV SEAN. He takes in the broken vistas, disorganized lines and jumble of styles that make up Kennedy Airport. He takes in the range of people, their racial diversity, their vast amounts of luggage.

INT. KENNEDY AIRPORT INTERNATIONAL DEPARTURE ZONE NIGHT

Inside the zone, with its duty-free shops, snack wagons and waiting areas, SEAN and the MARY MARGARET walk, looking around.

sean

So this is what they traded Grand Central Station for. It figures. About matches up with everything else they’ve done. I’ve avoided flying all my life. I’m a railway man. Took all my vacations in places I could get to by train. But now you come to me with your “see Rome and die” business and I can’t resist ye. You twisted my arm, Sister Mary Margaret.

mary margaret

Sean O’Reilly you still tell as tall a tale as ever you did when I was a wee child. I have no intention of letting you die in Rome. We’re not even goin’ to Rome. We’re goin’ to Venice. I told you it was the birthday party of our blessed Virgin on September 8 and The Society of Mary in the United States was charterin’ a plane. You jumped at it and that’s a fact. May your tongue turn black and your ears grow long and pointy if ever you try to claim otherwise.

INT. AIRPLANE NIGHT

PAN through the plane. People are getting settled. They are seated in groups. LOTS of NUNS, a PRIEST or two, a KOREAN CONTINGENT, a GAY “DIGNITY” GROUP, a NOTRE DAME UNIVERSITY, squeaky clean youth group, etc.

DOLLY into SEAN and MARY MARGARET wedged into their little seats. They have an empty seat by the window.

sean

You’ve got to be kidding, darlin’. We’re goin’ to spend nine hours stuffed like sardines in this cheap tin can?

mary margaret

Thank the Virgin we’ve got an empty seat here. We may be able to stretch out if we’re lucky.

POV MARY MARGARET. She cranes around to see if anyone is approaching. EVERYONE is seated. The EXTREMELY GOOD LOOKING ITALIANATE STEWARDS and STEWARDESSES move up and down the aisles checking the overhead compartments, etc. There is a bit of a commotion at the front of the plane. A straggler has arrived. In a swirl of shawls, handbags and Italian, MRS. MANGIANO struggles down the aisle. She checks her ticket. She rolls her eyes. She stuffs her giant bags into the overhead compartment. SEAN and MARY MARGARET have to get up and let her into the window seat. They eye each other sourly.

DISSOLVE TO:

SEAN, MARY MARGARET and MRS. MANGIANO laughing raucously. Each has two small empty bottles of Scotch on their trays.

mrs. mangiano

You never fly. You nota know how to be prepare. Sean, caro, reach up to my bag up thera. I gotta supplies. I gotta fear ofa flying. I got to drink the wine from my village. That’sa the only thing going to keep me from the fear .. paura!

SEAN struggles out of his seat. He gets the bag and hands it across to MRS. MANGIANO. She pulls out many bottles of Italian wine, cheese, bread, prosciutto, anchovies, butter and tomatoes. She pulls out three linen napkins and tucks them under their chins.

mrs. mangiano

Mangia! Mangia! We go to Italy! My dear friends, you willa come to my village. We make you very special dinner.

mary margaret

Dolores Mangiano, you are an angel from heaven above. You are a saint and don’t think the Virgin will not take note of this. God love ya dear. Real food. And guess what the movie is? “Sound a’ Music”!

FEATURING PASSENGERS watching the movie, rapt and teary-eyed.

FULL SCREEN SHOT of movie. The children are at the gate and the NUN says “I’m sorry, Maria is in seclusion. She cannot see you now.”

FEATURING the GAY GROUP. They grab each other and roil with anticipation.

GAY GROUP MEMBER

Here it comes! Here it comes!

FEATURING HANDSOME STEWARD, standing by the video controls. He winks at the GAY GROUP. He pushes the “Kareoke” button. The cabin floods with the opening chords of “Climb Every Mountain”.

FULL SHOT of PASSENGERS. “Climb Every Mountain” is being sung. The GAY GROUP is singing along melodramatically. A large section of NUNS catch on, take up the song, and soon everyone is singing. Someone stands up. Singly, then in groups, in time to the MUSIC, ALMOST EVERYONE stands up and sways back and forth

FEATURING Sean, who is too old to stand up, who smiles and sways with the music. Next to him MARY MARGARET is sound asleep, snoring very loudly. Next to her MRS. MANGIANO seems sunk in a depression, touched in some dark way by the scene in the movie. She takes a big swig of wine.

Suddenly, there is turbulence. All the people standing are thrown off their feet. There is chaos. The little seatbelt bell sounds. In-flight cabin STAFF run back and forth securing things, helping people. The SONG goes on. A YOUNG STEWARD with a bag full of plastic rosaries passes them out.

steward

Rosaries! Rosaries!

FEATURING the whole plane, clutching their armrests and shaking while singing. Some people take the orchestra parts.

singers

“A dream that will take all the love you can give it.

Every day of your life for as long as you live

(bum.. bum..bum..)

Climb every mountain.. etc.”

CLOSE SHOT of MRS. MANGIANO. She’s very drunk and very scared. She clutches her rosary and takes a swig out of her wine bottle. The song comes to its big conclusion as MRS. MANGIANO cries out.

mrs. mangiano

Holy Virgin, I know who this is!

There is SUDDEN SILENCE in the plane as everyone replaces their headphones and watches the movie transfixed. But MRS. MANGIANO is oblivious. She goes on in the silence. The turbulence subsides momentarily. MARY MARGARET gives a big snort and adjusts her sleeping position.

mrs. mangiano (out loud, to herself)

I should hava said something. If only I hada said something. Why? Why? If only I had never gone to Saksa Fifth Avenue to find a silka blouse for my seester Giovanna, I would never hava seen Louise Rutledge, covered witha filth, her hair in those awfulla braids, goinga through the garbage at the fancy restaurant. What could I do? I should hava told Mr. Rutledge. He gave her up for dead. Now she is dead and she’sa shakin’ this airplane.

The turbulence comes back stronger than ever. There is a sudden drop that feels as though the plane has lost hundreds of feet of altitude. MRS. MANGIANO pulls up the window shade, presses her face against the window and yells passionately out into the night.

MRS. MANGIANO

Ascolta me.. Louisa Rutledge. Your husband he try to finda you. He try to give you back the money. The children -- they finda the doctor. He’s a crook. He brainwasha them. And the lawyer too. They gota them all ina jail. Mr. Rutledge, he nevera did those horrible things to the children. Now you are dead. Now you know the truth. Now, you’re shakinga this plane. You gonna casta me down to the bottom of the sea. Davey Jones Locker! The fish gonna eat me for the Sin of Omission. Ave Maria! Oh Louisa Rutledge! Pardona me.

CLOSE SHOT of SEAN he has taken off his headphones and is staring intently at MRS. MANGIANO. Behind her the stars in the night sky twinkle.

sean

Did I hear you say the name Louise Rutledge?

INT. GRAND CENTRAL STATION NIGHT THREE MONTHS LATER

FEATURING the ceiling of Grand Central. GRAND CENTRAL THEME MUSIC.

PAN DOWN to SEAN pacing around the almost empty station. He looks at the golden clock. It reads 2:30. He shakes his head and heads for the escalators leading up to the Pan Am Building Atrium. He walks slowly, an old man giving up on a daunting task. He gets on the escalator going up.

PULL AWAY. As SEAN goes up LOUISE is going down. She is wrapped in rags, her face is smudged with dirt and her hair is braided tightly. She has many shopping bags full of garbage and seems intent, secretive. SEAN peers over at her. When he gets to the top he is seen running to get on the down escalator. He is yelling her name. GRAND CENTRAL THEME MUSIC. LOUISE starts quickly off into the Grand Concourse. But when she gets to the center, under the spot where the Ecliptic and the Celestial Equator meet the station fills with an eerie glow. LOUISE pauses and looks up.

FEATURING the ceiling. Lines of fire rip across the two lines, the Celestial Equator and the Ecliptic. The Zodiac Signs come to life and sway and hum. A plume of sparks bursts out and showers down.

FEATURING LOUISE surrounded by glowing starlike sparks that float gracefully to the floor. SEAN comes up and puts his hand on her shoulder.

INT. MRS. MANGIANO’S HOUSE IN ITALY DAY TWO WEEKS LATER

MRS. MANGIANO’S house is in a village near Vicenza, Italy. She is in the kitchen making pasta. She has reverted to type and wears all black with a black head scarf. There is a NOISE OF LETTER BEING DELIVERED at the front door.

mrs. mangiano

Ah. Il postino.

She goes to the letter box in the front door and takes out a letter. She opens it, sits down at the kitchen table and reads.

vo sean

Dear Dolores, How can I thank you enough for the wonderful time you showed us in Italy? You are a saint from heaven and there’s no arguing with that. Without further ado, here’s the glorious news -- I found her.

MRS. MANGIANO exclaims with joy, rolls her eyes heavenward.

mrs. mangiano

Ave Maria! Gratia plena!

She takes a sip of coffee then returns to the letter.

vo sean (con’t)

Just as I thought, she was living with those Mole People. When you told me her hair was in braids that tipped me off. The Mole People live below Grand Central Station in abandoned waiting rooms.

INT. MRS. MANGIANO’S IMAGINATION OF MOLE PEOPLE CAMP

FOUR MOLE WOMEN, who are actually giant moles with wigs, sit on the floor braiding their hair. LOUISE is with them. Behind them on the wall is a crucifix and a photograph of a MOLE SAINT.

VO SEAN (con’t)

They make their women braid their hair to prove that they still keep clean.

INT. MRS. MANGIANO’S HOUSE IN ITALY DAY

MRS. MANGIANO opens the window. The sun has come out. She puts breadcrumbs out and birds flock to the window. She stands by the window reading.

vo sean (con’t)

I’m not makin’ this up you know. So now, what do you think? Louise is living with me on West 93rd. She’s very fragile. She begged me to wait to contact her people. When I told her what you told me about the evil lawyer bein’ in jail and all and her husband being innocent and her money being returned to her, she cried like a baby.

FLASHBACK:

INT. ITALIAN CHURCH - ALTAR OF THE VIRGIN DAY

SEAN and MRS. MANGIANO and MARY MARGARET light candles and place them in the holders before an ornate, fully clothed statue of The Virgin Mary.

vo sean (con’t)

I told her it was the Blessed Virgin took care of her and about all the candles we lit for her but she thinks it was you and me.

INT. SEAN O’REILLY’S APARTMENT DAY

SLOW PAN through Sean’s apartment. It is rambling, pre-war, lace curtain Irish. Slowly, to SAD MUSIC, the camera dollies into the living room where LOUISE sits by the window staring out at an empty playground. SOUND of the front door opening and closing.

vo sean

She wants to get a job and work quietly and sort out her troubles for a few months. She needs time. She needs rest. She sends her love. May the roads rise with you, my dear. Your loving friend, Sean.

FEATURING SEAN who walks into the living room. He is out of breath. He slumps into a chair, then smiles.

SEAN

I’ve done it! I’ve pulled some strings, dearie. I got you a job right in Grand Central. Poor dearie. You’re goin’ to be back to your beautiful self in no time a’tall.

Suddenly, SEAN feels faint. He tries to get up. LOUISE hurries to him.

louise

Sean, be careful! Here I am thinking about myself when it’s you who need attention. Stay here while I get you your pills.

INT. GRAND CENTRAL STATION DAY

SEAN and LOUISE walk quietly towards the ticket windows in the Grand Concourse. Louise wears a Grand Central uniform.

sean

I’ve found a very lucky opening at the ticket selling window. Many a brilliant scholar has worked the ticket selling window. It’s a fine job.

louise

This is perfect.

They enter the door leading into the ticket booth area.

INT. SEAN’S APARTMENT DAWN ONE MONTH LATER

CLOSE SHOT of alarm clock ringing.

MONTAGE TO SLOW MUSIC: LOUISE wakes up and gets purposefully out of bed. She makes her bed pulling the sheets and blankets tight, making hospital corners. She irons her uniform and makes breakfast. She leaves coffee in a thermos for Sean and writes a note to him.

CLOSE SHOT of note. “Dear Sean. I got a call late last night to replace Susan Anders today. I’m working the day shift and will be home to make dinner at 6. Have a nice Sunday. Love, Louise.”

INT. SEAN’S APARTMENT KITCHEN ONE HOUR LATER

PULL AWAY from note. SEAN shuffles into the kitchen in his bathrobe. He pours a cup of coffee from the thermos. The SOUND OF THE NEWSPAPER THUDDING AGAINST THE FRONT DOOR. SEAN gets up and moves slowly down the hall to the front door. He gets the Sunday Paper and returns to the kitchen. On his way back he notices something on the hall table.

CLOSE SHOT of letter on the hall table.

FEATURING SEAN returning to the kitchen. He puts the paper on the table and examines the letter.

sean

A letter from Dolores Mangiano! I must be gettin’ old. This came yesterday and I completely forgot to open it. I wonder how she is?

He sits down and opens the letter.

vo mrs. mangiano (con’t)

Deara Sean, I’ma so happy to hear abouta Louisa’s progress. She soundsa like a different person. But, I hava to warna you of something. I gotta letter froma Mr. Rutledge. He’s a getting married to that Blancha Gantry. God help him. But here’s the strange thing. They gettin’a married at Grand Central Station. How you lika that? Of all places.

FLASHBACK:

INT. MRS. MANGIANO’S HOUSE IN ITALY DAY

MRS. MANGIANO’S kitchen table is covered with letters and calendars. She scribbles quickly pausing now and then to think of the English word.

vo mrs. mangiano

I gotta you letter today sayin she wasa working at the ticket booth. You should maka sure Louisa not working that wedding day. It’sa Sunday. March 21. I hope I’ma not too late.

INT. SEAN’S APARTMENT DAY

SEAN, alarmed, puts down the letter. He glances at the top of the paper.

CLOSE SHOT of NEW YORK TIMES. “Sunday, March 21, 199..”

FULL SCREEN SHOT of front page. The lead story is “GANTRY WEDDING AT GRAND CENTRAL STATION”. There’s a picture of the Waiting Room decorated with an army of ASSISTANTS on ladders, etc. Sean reads.

sean

“The biggest celebrity wedding of the century will unfold today at Grand Central Station, when Blanche Gantry, ultra-famous cooking guru weds Bill Rutledge, successful banking executive, with all the pomp and circumstance of a Papal visit.” Dear God in heaven.

EXT. GRAND CENTRAL STATION DAY

FEATURING a helicopter hovering over the station, lowering the cake, which is itself a replica of Grand Central Station, onto the roof. GRAND CENTRAL THEME MUSIC.

FULL SHOT of sculpture group decorating the southern facade of the building - MERCURY in the center, with ATHENA poring over blueprints to his right and HERCULES holding a hammer to the left. In the background WORKERS maneuver the cake onto a landing pad.

CLOSE SHOT of the sculpture group. MERCURY subtly turns his head to see what is going on. ATHENA slowly glances up. HERCULES shakes his head.

BIRD’S EYE VIEW showing both sides of the station: on the East side a fleet of service vehicles pulls up and DELIVERY WORKERS get out and start to unload. On the West side a lone figure walks purposefully towards the entrance.

ZOOM IN on figure. LOUISE, in her work uniform, walks to the 42nd Street entrance. THE CAMERA follows her in.

INT. SEAN’S APARTMENT DAY

MONTAGE of SEAN rushing to get dressed. He is shaking. After getting dressed he has to sit down for a moment to calm himself. He has Louise’s note in his hand. He reads it again.

sean

Oh no. Oh no. I’ve got to stop her. I’ve got to get over there.

INT. GRAND CENTRAL STATION GRAND CONCOURSE DAY

POV LOUISE as she enters the Grand Concourse. A brocade curtain has been hung over the entrance to the Waiting Room. LOUISE walks directly to her workstation without noticing.

INT. TICKET’S SELLER’S BOOTH GRAND CENTRAL STATION DAY

TIGHT SHOT of LOUISE taking off her coat and setting up.

EXT. CENTRAL PARK WEST AT 93RD STREET DAY

SEAN stands on the downtown side of the street and hails a cab. A taxi pulls up and he gets in.

POV SEAN. The taxi driver turns around. It is SRI BAGA SINGH.

sri baga singh

Where to, mister?

FEATURING SEAN, out of breath.

sean

Grand Central Station. And step on it.

INT. TICKET SELLER’S BOOTH GRAND CENTRAL STATION DAY

A WATCHMAN comes over to LOUISE’S station. He takes off his jacket.

watchman

Hi, Louise. I want to leave this jacket here for a little while. Don’t let anyone touch it. OK? Did you check out the wedding decorations?

louise

What wedding?

CLOSE SHOT of WATCHMAN taking off his jacket. CAMERA follows the jacket as he hangs it up against a door. A gun is glimpsed in an inner pocket.

ZOOM IN on the gun.

vo watchman

Where you been? Don’t you read the papers?

vo louise

Actually, I don’t. I’ve been giving myself an information holiday. But tell me, what wedding is this?

TWO SHOT of LOUISE and GUN. She sees the gun and stares at it. Meanwhile, an IRATE CUSTOMER says:

vo customer

Excuse me for interrupting your pleasant conversation, Miss, but the New Haven train leaves in 4 minutes and if I’m not on it I’m going to have to speak to your supervisor.

ANGLE ON LOUISE who turns to help the customer. She says to WATCHMAN, without turning around;

louise

I’ve got to get to work here. (to customer) Twenty-seven fifty. (to watchman) I’ll watch out for your coat. Catch you later.

FULL SHOT of outside the ticket window where LOUISE sits. A LINE OF PASSENGERS forms and LOUISE, quite and grim, can been seen getting busy.

INT. GRAND CENTRAL WAITING ROOM DAY

DOLLY through the room which has been decorated for the wedding. ASSISTANTS rush about taking care of last minute details. A wide stage has been set up. The ORCHESTRA is upstage. In the middle of the stage is an hydraulic platform with the cake on it. A TECHNICIAN is checking the platform using a remote control. The cake rises up and then sinks out of sight several times. The ORCHESTRA is TUNING UP.

INT. TAXI DAY

POV SEAN. The traffic is impossible. They are stuck on Park Avenue near 72nd Street. The MET LIFE BUILDING (formerly the PAN AM BUILDING) is visible in the distance. Bumper to bumper traffic chokes Park Avenue. SRI BAGA turns around.

SRI BAGA

Bad traffic today. Blanche lady wedding at Grand Central.

INT. GRAND CENTRAL WAITING ROOM DAY

SOUND OF THE WEDDING GUESTS. The ORCHESTRA plays “PALM COURT” MUSIC. The room is packed with WEDDING GUESTS dressed in many fashion extremes. There should be about 400 guests. Among the guests are; SAMANTHA AND TURK TOFF; CHARLOTTE, ARCHIE AND CHET BRAE; JUDGE OLDBOY; CHUCK; LEN SCHLONGER AND STICK; MARY SERALLIO, DAPHNE FROST, ELLEN YAMAGUCHI, STEPHEN AND MARY HAYNES, SHAWNA; and of course, KITTY CARLYLE HART and as many CELEBRITIES as possible. The GUESTS chatter quietly waiting for the wedding to begin. HEAVY MEDIA CREWS are visible.

INT. TAXI CAB DAY

They are now at about 53rd street. The traffic starts to move a little. The light is green. SEAN leans forward and shakes the seat with his hands.

sean

Come on! Come on!

INT. GRAND CENTRAL WAITING ROOM DAY

DOLLY through the GUESTS towards the curtain covering the entrance from the Main Concourse. The VOLUME LEVEL rises as the GUESTS get a little impatient for the ceremony to begin.

INT. GRAND CENTRAL GRAND CONCOURSE DAY

FULL SHOT of other side of curtain. BILL, TIMMY and SALLY and BRIDESMAIDS wait for BLANCHE to arrive. KURT and CHUCK and ASSISTANTS wait by the curtains to open them.

OVERHEAD SHOT of BLANCHE crossing the Main Concourse in her wedding dress. Her dress is architectural. Her train is giant and requires several ASSISTANTS to carry it.

FULL SHOT of BLANCHE advancing towards BILL. She smiles sweetly at him, then looks around her. She is dazzled.

POV BLANCHE. She looks up at the ceiling. The stars sparkle with extra force. ORION comes to life and jumps on PEGASUS. They descend to floor level. BLANCHE doesn’t notice them.

INT. TAXI CAB DAY

The taxi is in the exact same place. SEAN is still shaking the seat. The cars, the PEOPLE on the street all move in SLOW MOTION. SEAN gives a jerk. He has a heart attack.

POV SEAN. The taxi driver turns around. SHRI BAGA SINGH has transformed into THE VIRGIN MARY. Light streams around her. She smiles sweetly to SEAN and nods, then turns and drives the taxi.

FEATURING the taxi, which floats free and drives up towards the top of the MET LIFE BUILDING where a light grows brighter and brighter. CELESTIAL MUSIC.

INT. GRAND CENTRAL STATION GRAND CONCOURSE DAY

FEATURING BILL staring at ORION AND PEGASUS, startled.

FEATURING ORION. He mimes to BILL to check his wallet.

FEATURING BILL, perplexed, taking out his wallet. He suddenly looks as though he’s remembered something. BLANCHE comes up to him. In the background the curtains are parted by KURT and CHUCK. GUESTS are looking around, wondering about the delay.

bill

Blanche honey, can you wait? I just remembered that my commuter pass has expired. I have to come to work tomorrow morning and it’ll make my life so much easier if I just run to the window there and get one. Hold everything. I won’t take a second. By the time your train is straightened I’ll be back.

blanche

Don’t go. You can miss work tomorrow. I was silly about the TV shoot. It can wait. Let’s leave on our honeymoon tonight.

bill

We can’t do that. We’ve planned it this way for months. Do your shoot. I’m fine. I need to be at work this week anyway. Don’t worry so much. Let me go.

FEATURING BILL running to the ticket window.

POV BILL who, as he advances to window, turns his gaze to reassure BLANCHE and OTHERS. BLANCHE is deep in consultation with TV INTERVIEWER and LIGHTING DESIGNER.

CLOSE SHOT of BILL’S hand pushing money into the ticket window opening.

vo bill

One month pass for Dairyaire, please.

CAMERA TILTS UP revealing LOUISE seeing that BILL is in front of her. Without thinking she grabs his hand and holds it.

FEATURING BILL, shocked, turning to look at the window. His eyes widen in surprise..

bill

Louise! My God! Louise! You’re alive!

louise

(very emotional)

Bill! You appear to me as a bridegroom.

bill

I am a bridegroom. I’m getting married. Right here. Today. You remember me, the Country Club gigolo. (he looks bitter) Why did you run away like that? I went crazy.

louise

I was lost.

bill

Well ...nice seeing you. We should have lunch. We have things we need to discuss. I mean we need some closure.. and well.. I’m at the same number. The kids miss you. (suddenly upset) How could you have left them like that? (he retreats) It’s all right. It worked out. Let’s not go into it. They just need to see you again. After the wedding I’ll bring them over. What are you doing working here?

BILL tries to extract his hand gently. LOUISE clutches it with both hands and kisses it.

FEATURING LOUISE, holding his hand and leaning forward desperately.

louise

Closure doesn’t exist Bill. I found that out. I thought I could open and close the human heart like a bank account. I thought I could invest a portfolio of love. I thought I could roll over my emotional savings offshore overnight and hit the jackpot. But I was wrong. I’d already hit the jackpot and I didn’t even know it. Oh, Bill... wait! Wait! Can’t this marriage wait. Give me another chance. Let me come back to my children. Let me come back to our home. I beg you. Who am I to refuse to beg? I learned that. Begging is life. Everyone should have to beg for a season. The bottom line I worshipped slammed into my soul as I fell through it into the ocean of tears beneath. The tears of the loving mother. The tears of the prodigal wife! With those tears I wash this kind hand, this hand that caressed me, this hand that came always back with love and support and affection and gentleness. Oh stars, oh seasons, I wash this hand with my bitter tears. Can a mother’s tears move you? Can a loving wife’s tears cancel the rage, the hatred you must feel? Oh Bill... Bill! Love is eternal. Closure is a false god! I followed Him to Hell. Don’t make the same mistake.

FEATURING BILL, who slumps to his knees and weeps, his hand still held by LOUISE in the window. He turns to look at BLANCHE for help.

POV BILL. BLANCHE is in a highly animated conversation with TV DIRECTOR. She makes sweeping gestures and forcibly moves CAMERAMEN around to the position she wants. The CHILDREN are playing tag around her skirts. The BRIDESMAIDS chatter thoughtlessly. Only KURT sees what is going on with BILL. He stares horrified, unable to speak. ORION and PEGASUS come up to KURT and stare at him.

FEATURING BILL who stands up and reaches with his other hand to clasp LOUISE’S hand.

bill

Louise. I chose you. I loved you out of all the women that I met. I wanted you and I got you and you were brilliant. Our marriage was totally exciting and fulfilling to me every minute of every day no matter how much we may have argued, how much we may have differed. This is the truth. I am an honorable man. I honored you and you honored me until one day you stopped honoring me. If you’ve come to see that as a terrible mistake, I thank you. I accept your apology. But I have made a commitment to another person now. I can’t back out of it. It would not be honorable. I will have to love you for the rest of my life from a distance. Our chance at being together came and blossomed and withered away. We are divorcees. We are wounded. In time the wounds will heal. You must let me go.

ANGLE ON BILL gently extracting his hands from LOUISE’S. LOUISE stares helplessly at him tears streaming down her face.

PULL AWAY to reveal a LINE OF TICKET BUYERS that has formed behind BILL. They are totally caught up in the drama, clutching their bags and coats abstractly. Some of them dab handkerchiefs to their faces. One WOMAN sobs uncontrollably. ORION steps up to her and puts his arm around her shoulder.

FEATURING KURT who sighs with relief as BILL moves away from the window. BLANCHE with an inquiring smile on her face comes up to him. KURT turns to reassure her.

FEATURING LOUISE in her window. She suddenly whirls around and picks up the blue shield which fits over the window with “CLOSED” written on it. BILL, startled, backs away. All the windows are now closed.

FEATURING the TICKET BUYERS looking startled.

INT. TICKET SELLERS BOOTH - DAY

FULL SHOT of LOUISE in her workstation. She is clearly distressed. She gets ready to leave. She stumbles on the coat with the gun in the pocket. She pulls out the gun. She considers it. She drops it. It goes off with a LOUD REPORT.

INT. GRAND CENTRAL GRAND CONCOURSE - DAY

FEATURING BILL walking back to BLANCHE. He is halfway across the room when he hears the GUNSHOT. It hits him like a revelation. He panics. He runs along the expanse of closed ticket windows, banging on them and shouting.

bill

Louise! Louise! I was wrong. I was wrong. I’m not honoring a commitment. I’m honoring hors d’oeuvres and invitations. I’m honoring bouquets and limousines and networks and cakes. I’m honoring a cake. It’s just a pageant. It will play as well without me. Louise! Louise! Oh please don’t die.

FULL SHOT of the door to the ticket office. It is yanked open and LOUISE runs out. She runs into the room and stops like a deer caught in headlights.

FEATURING TIMMY and SALLY who see her. They drop their flowers and start running.

timmy and sally

Mommy!

FEATURING BLANCHE who turns from her directing to see LOUISE. She drops her bouquet, picks up her skirts and runs towards LOUISE. KURT and CHUCK follow her.

FEATURING LOUISE. She runs like an animal trying to escape. She runs under the main staircase. EVERYBODY follows her. PULL AWAY to reveal the whole scene. ORION on PEGASUS brings up the rear. They all disappear under the stairs.

INT. GRAND CENTRAL STATION LOWER CONCOURSE DAY

FEATURING LOUISE running down the stairs with BILL and CHILDREN close behind her. The CAMERA FOLLOWS HER. She enters the Lower Concourse and runs around the central booth. She heads for one of the tracks but is blocked by BILL. She tries the other tracks but is blocked by CHILDREN. She turns and runs up the ramp to the Oyster Bar. She enters. They all follow.

INT. OYSTER BAR DAY

They run through the restaurant knocking over tables and disrupting DINERS. Oysters fly up into the air. LOUISE heads for the Saloon and ALL follow through the big doors. WAITERS get knocked out by swinging doors.

INT. OYSTER BAR SALOON DAY

LOUISE heads for the stairs at the back of the Saloon that lead back to the Main Concourse. They are very steep and narrow. She bounds up them. BILL follows. KURT and CHUCK trample on BLANCHE’S train and they collapse in a heap. In the Saloon ORION pauses to watch the football game on TV. PEGASUS sticks his face into a huge pitcher of beer.

INT. GRAND CENTRAL STATION GRAND CONCOURSE DAY

FULL SHOT of Grand Concourse. LOUISE runs in and heads for the Golden Clock in the center. BILL catches her at the clock and embraces her. Behind them at the landing by the 42nd Street entrance MERCURY, ATHENA AND HERCULES appear along with the GHOST OF COMMODORE VANDERBILT. They pose heroically at the top of the stairs.

FULL SHOT of curtains by the Waiting Room. The WEDDING GUESTS swarm through the curtains and stand staring as BLANCHE, CHILDREN, KURT, CHUCK, ORION and PEGASUS run in and stand behind BILL and LOUISE, looking up at the top of the stairs.

FEATURING the GODS. MERCURY steps forward.

mercury

First things first. Louise you’ve left your post. I’m going to have to cover for you. Athena will moderate the proceedings for me.

FEATURING MERCURY miraculously in the ticket window busy selling tickets to TICKET BUYERS. He holds up an American Express card and winks. He looks a lot like the “Centurion” pictured on the card.

CAMERA TILTS UP to show ATHENA at the top of the grand staircase.

athena

Thank you Mercury. Before we begin, I just want you all to note this “processional” double staircase upon which I stand, and which is a copy, more or less, of the Grand Staircase at the Paris Opera. Magnificent, isn’t it?

FULL SHOT of Concourse with EVERYBODY staring up at ATHENA, surprised to hear about the staircase.

FEATURING ATHENA, HERCULES and VANDERBILT.

athena

Now, to the business at hand. Blanche Gantry, step forward.

FEATURING BLANCHE steps forward apprehensively.

BACK TO ATHENA, who smiles sadly.

athena

Your wedding is not going as planned. I’m sorry about that because you are a master planner and I appreciate that. (she rattles her blueprints) Something has come up.

BLANCHe

He can’t marry her! He’s marrying me! It’s not fair. She left him. She divorced him.

hercules

You can’t wrestle with Love. He rules all.

athena

I think I can handle this Hercules. Blanche, I am sorry. You’ve been like a daughter to me. You’ve reawakened the altars of the Household Gods, and it’s about time. I do so want you to be happy. But.. alas, your motives are not what they should be in this. You wanted to “have it all”. But marriage, in its infinite variety, is not about “having it all”. It’s about flowing together, come what may -- and with that flowing out from themselves the people give themselves, body and soul, to Life -- and to contain and express that flowing-into-Life they invent Culture. Marriage is the cornerstone of Culture -- and you know how I feel about Culture. That’s why We don’t believe in divorce. We don’t condemn it or forbid it -- but We don’t believe in it. There is a difference you know. Look deep into your heart Blanche, and admit it - you were more interested in a wedding than in a marriage. I’m sorry, but Destiny turns on a dime. Be brave, daughter, and relinquish that dress.

TWO SHOT of BLANCHE and LOUISE. BLANCHE’S dress magically moves to LOUISE as in “Cinderella”. ORION runs up to LOUISE with the bouquet. BLANCHE is left in her red turtleneck and plaid skirt. She examines herself in dismay and starts to sniffle.

blanche

Athena, really, can’t you do any better than this? I’ve insisted all along on black tie. I feel so. dddd..dowdy.. (she sobs uncontrollably)

FEATURING ATHENA. She does a magic sweep with her hand.

athena

Oh darling, don’t cry. I am sorry. Here, how’s this?

FULL SHOT of BLANCHE. Her turtleneck outfit transforms to a red lamé evening dress. ORION brings a mirror up to her. BLANCHE smiles through her tears and nods her head.

FULL SHOT of ATHENA, who gestures to BILL.

athena

Bill Rutledge step forward. I hereby absolve you from your commitment of honor to my servant Blanche. Do you have a question you’d like to ask of someone here?

FEATURING BILL who looks puzzled. Next to him TIMMY and SALLY tug on his arms urgently and point to LOUISE who steps up to him. BILL and LOUISE face each other with the children between them.

bill

Louise, will you marry me? Again?

louise

(very moved)

Yes. Again.

SLOW MOTION SHOT with MUSIC. BILL and LOUISE come together for the big kiss. THEY kneel down and fold the children into their arms.

FULL SHOT of CROWD. EVERYONE applauds.

REVERSE ANGLE to top of stairs. ATHENA introduces VANDERBILT.

athena

“Commodore” Cornelius Vanderbilt...

ghost of vanderbilt

Louise, I know your father has departed this world. I would like to request the honor of giving away the bride. Will you consent to that?

FEATURING LOUISE, who looks a little terrified.

louise

Yes sir. I would like that very much.

FEATURING VANDERBILT who starts down the stairs. HERCULES steps forward.

hercules

Bill, I’d love to be your best man but Orion has begged me for the honor so I’ve settled for being an usher. I’ll just get these folks settled again and we can get started. I’m dying for a piece of that cake.

HERCULES winks at BLANCHE. BLANCHE, still sniffling, smiles coyly at him. He leaps down the stairs and herds the wedding guests into the Waiting Room.

FULL SHOT of wedding procession forming. KURT goes into action.

kurt

All right people, can we have quiet please? We haven’t got all day. At least, I think we haven’t got all day. I’m not actually sure what Universe we’re in anymore. But let’s stick to what we know. OK? Step, together, step, together. Do we all remember that? Can we get with that program? Good! Because I’ve got Kitty - I’ve got Ivana - I’ve got Fergie - and they are waiting for their “Cold Boiled Lobster with Sauce Verte” and their individual “Pommes Anna” so if it’s not too much to ask, I’d like to get the show on the road. Bill goes first with Orion. (eyes the club, grimacing) Orion, I know that you were born of the Earth from a buried bull hide on which three Gods had urinated. I love your style. But just for today.. can we lose the club?

KURT shrinks back as ORION glares at him. ORION lifts his club onto his shoulder and steps up next to BILL.

PULL AWAY. MUSIC. Kurt sets them up; behind BILL and ORION, TIMMY and SALLY and BRIDESMAIDS form a double line. VANDERBILT and LOUISE are next. Behind them PEGASUS prances with a basket of flowers in his mouth. ATHENA takes BLANCHE’S arm and they bring up the rear behind PEGASUS. PEGASUS lifts his tail suggestively. BLANCHE, alarmed, turns to ATHENA.

TWO SHOT of BLANCHE and ATHENA.

blanche

Do you still have those blueprints? Blueprints make an excellent horse manure catcher. The ammonia in the prints covers the smell and disinfects at the same time. Never hurts to be prepared.

ATHENA hands her the blueprints. The WEDDING MARCH starts. The PROCESSION moves forward. Suddenly LOUISE stops. They all stop. MUSIC STOPS.

louise

Wait. There’s one detail.

LOUISE runs over to the ticket window.

FULL SHOT of MERCURY in the window.

mercury

How may I help you Miss?

FULL SHOT of LOUISE talking to MERCURY.

louise

A ticket for Dairyaire, please.

mercury

Will that be round-trip?

louise

Round-trip? No. No! One way!

PULL AWAY to the PROCESSION. WEDDING MUSIC. LOUISE gets into her place and they proceed; step-together, step-together through the center of the Grand Concourse.

TILT UP TO CEILING. MUSIC.

vo sean (reverb)

Generals and Presidents, film stars and ballerinas, lovers and dreamers, rich and poor alike - they come - they go - they pause - to bask in the magnificence that is Grand Central.

FADE TO BLACK